Help with my husband, who is legally blind, has dementia and diabetes

[tina3]

My husband and I are both in our seventies. We reconnected in 2015 and married after many years of being apart. Initially, we met when he was 22, and I was 20. He was in the military at the time. After we dated for a while, we went our separate ways and lost contact. In 2014, I looked for him to see how he was doing. I lived on the east coast, and he lived in the Midwest. When I found him, he had lost his sight (glaucoma), had a stroke, and developed diabetes and other health issues. He was living alone but seemed to be functioning well. While we were "dating," he had another stroke which caused additional mental impairment. We married in 2015, and I moved to be with him in the Midwest because I didn't feel right leaving him on his own and I do love him.
My dilemma is dealing with his dementia, diabetes, and blindness. I encourage him to be as independent as possible, but he often feigns helplessness or maybe not. I don't know. Whatever I try to do, he rebels and gives me a hard time. Our biggest hurdle is his hygiene which isn't good due to dementia and blindness. He's stubborn and doesn't like going to the doctor, leaving the house, or bathing regularly. I had no medical training before him, so it's been a large learning curve, often frustrating for us. When he lost sight, he declined any assistance from VA to get training to help him navigate as a blind person. He lives in the past due to PTSD and childhood trauma. I am not in the best health myself and find it challenging to meet his needs and care for myself. Any help would be appreciated.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @tina3

The husband of one of my friends, who is also a host here on Dementia Talking Point, was blind and had dementia . She got a lot of help from the RNIB, the Royal National Institute for the Blind.

From the wording of your post I think you are in the USA. There are two associations which might be able to help you.

Home

Since 1921, The American Foundation for the Blind (AFB) has been a leader in expanding possibilities for the millions of Americans living with vision loss.

www.afb.org

https://nfb.org/our-community/seniors

 

[nellbelles]

Hello @tina3 and welcome to the forum. My husband was blind and had dementia I will admit it was difficult at times although my husband had been blind for many years and had worked as a engineer without his sight.
my advice would be get as much help as possible, I found a local charity for the Blind a godsend they arranged respite care for him to give me time to shop and do house work knowing he was safe.
I hope now you have found the forum you will continue to post for support and to share your experiences.

 

[SweetSioux]

Tina3, my husband is also blind from glaucoma and suffers from dementia. He is hard to handle at shower time, I think perhaps he is afraid of falling. He can still shave himself with electric razor and brush his own teeth. I help him into the shower (he's grumpy) and he washes hit private areas and then I place a shower chair in the shower and that eliminates his fear of falling or confusion as to directions and where things are in the shower. I wash the rest of the body and put shampoo in his hair. I had a hand held shower head with a long enough hose to adequately reach all areas of the shower and him while seated. It goes quicker when I help him and he's less grumpy. After his shower he is SO happy, He dries off his privates and I dry the rest of him. Then I help him out of the shower and I powder him with a men's after shower powder. It feels so good to him to be clean and powdered and dry. He's a teddy bear and happy to be helped into clean under garments and pajamas or clothing if we are going out. Shower times and hygiene can be turned into happy times with minimal grumpiness if you assist and help him feel secure from falls. It's what I've experienced. He used to be able to shower independently but as his vision and cognitive abilities declined, he fell twice. I'm just very careful with him. Always. I hope this helps you with helping your husband along his difficult journey. My husband is 13 years older than me (I am 70) and have congestive heart failure and other health issues so I understand what you are going through providing care that is REALLY challenging and even more so with [your/my] own health issues. Pushing for them to be more independent at this stage does not seem realistic or attainable. It's not their fault, independent living just isn't possible with blindness with cognitive decline. It seems both conditions make the journey twice as difficult. I wish you well, we're on a very similar journey and it's hard. Very hard.