Help with concerns for my Mum

[sharper43]

Hi Everyone, I am posting here in the hope I can get some advice.

My Mum is 68. She lives alone, though not far from us. My Dad died back in 97 and my Mum has been retired for over 10 years.

She has always been forgetful, ever since I can remember, and it has always been a joke. However, over the last few years, and the last 18 months in particular her memory loss has become a real worry.

She does not remember conversations and cannot remember things that have happened. For example in the last week she has had a problem with her car and her bank. When I ask her about what happened she can give me no details of the problems or how they occurred.

Her personality has also changed. Even though she is with us several times a week she does little to involve herself in conversation and seems to have little joy. She always used to laugh but that is a rare occurrence these days.

When I have attempted to discuss this with her and ask her to see a doctor she simply says "they can't do anything" and won't engage with me.

I really want her to see the doctor and see if anything can be done. It is really starting to get me down and I can't see a way to move forward.

Can I see her doctor in the UK without her knowledge? Can I see my own doctor to discuss this?

I really would appreciate any advice. Thanks for your time reading this.

 

[Shedrech]

Hello and welcome! You'll find lots of helpful information and very many helpful people on TP.
Your description rings true of what I saw in my dad, especially - and sadly - the 'Seems to have little joy'.

I made notes of my concerns eg changes in temperament, things he no longer did eg wash or change clothes, what I did for him, and specific worries with an idea of time scales eg hasn't made breakfast for 3 weeks. Then I made an appointment to see his doctor and spoke to him and gave him the notes. If you can't see the doctor send the notes. Dad's doctor wouldn't actually call dad in (others on here have actually had that happen) and didn't take any direct action but did make a note of my concerns so at least the practice were forewarned for when dad went in for any routine stuff and could consider what I'd said.
Dad was very resistant to any visits to the doctor and it was a slow process. So I have no magic formula to offer.
Best wishes

 

[bilslin]

Hi sharper43 and welcome. Sorry to hear about your mum. my mums had AD8years now and when it was first clear that something was wrong I had a word with my gp who is my mums gp also.We had to trick her to get her to the gp saying the gp needed to check her meds. Then the gp done some test and that was the start of this long journey of dementia.You need to start with the gp and thenSS will need to get involved. Alzheimer's society are great and can give lots of help and advice.TP is a great place to rant and off load. theres always someone to give you advice here too. So good luck lindaxx

 

[FifiMo]

Hiya,

As you are noticing these increasing problems, what would be useful is if you could start a diary. Make a not of everything and anything that happens on a day to day basis. Note the time of day that something has happened and also make a note of whether there were any underlying issues that might have contributed - eg she was overly tired or had been particularly active that day. The aim of the diary is to build up a body of evidence that can be used by the medical people and any other professionals that might get involved later down the road - eg social workers.

Having noted all these challenges that your mum is dealing with, you could then write to her GP and provide a copy of the information. You could ask the GP to perhaps invite your mum for a health MOT or to a well woman clinic etc. You could make an appointment and ait until the last minute to remind your mum that you're off to the Dr for a check up today. It might seem a bit underhand, but if her memory is as bad as you're finding, then you could play on this an infer that she was the one who made the appoitment in the first place.

Your mum is mistaken about there being nothing that can be done. There is no cure but there is medication that can slow things down, often for some considerable time. With her being relatively young, it would be a shame if she didn't get access this mediccation now.

If you look at the top right hand side of the forum you will see a menu for Alz Soc resources. Maybe have a look for one that speaks about medication and print it off to show your mum. Please be prepared however for her to live in denial, such is the fear and stigma that continues to be attached to the dementia word. If you can't persuade the GP to take some initiative and help then you may have to bide your time for now and continue gathering the evidence and perhaps wait for something to happen that triggers your mum going to her GP of her own volition.

If you have not already done so, you need to look into getting power of attorney for your mum. Lasting power of attorney (LPA) is available in two forms one covering Finance and Assets and the other covering Health and Welfare. If you can persuade your mum to sign the forms then this could, for example, allow you to speak directly to her GP without them hiding behind the patient confidentiality rules. Of all the things, even more so than a diary, getting these LPAs sorted should be your top priority. With these all duly signed then you would be able to get more directly involved and provide your mum with the levels of support she will require going forward.

Hope this helps,

Fiona