Help!! Where's my dad gone


Registered User
Apr 24, 2007
I have only just joined this forum.

I am an only child of a marriage that has lasted over 40 years.

My father was diagnosed with AD nearly 8 years ago when he was 57, ever since then I have gone through so many different emotions. Majority of them wanting to protect & support my mother

First emotion was the shock, is this really happening to us?? Then... why? what is AD anyway and anger, alot of anger. I went to a Carer's course at the local memory clinic where my father is a patient, there I learnt all about the disease and why he does the things he does and I was much calmer at the end.

Unfortunately over the past few months my father's dementia has gone rapidly downhill and he has become very volatile, miss hearing things and thinks the television is talking to him. He rarely recognises my mother and asks constantly where she is.

My mum is at her wits end, but he was so badly treated when we put him into respite care that we are reluctant to put him back and that the rest has been a complete waste of time once he has returned.

Help!! I can see my dad, but he's not there any more and I am falling apart trying to keep my parents happy and in a calm environment.

Can anyone help me?


Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Hi Becca

Welcome to TP. It sounds as if your dad is becoming too much for your mum to handle alone.

Do you have any help? You should have had your dad assessed by social services, and your mum should have had a carers' assessment to get her some help.

I presume as your dad has been in respite you have already been assessed, but as your dad has deteriorated so much you should ask for a review.

Your mum could have carers coming in to give her a break, or your dad coul go to day care. This would be much less disturbing for your dad, but would let your mum have a rest.

That's all I can suggest at the moment, post again and let us know how things are going.

Best wishes,


Registered User
Apr 24, 2007
My dad goes to day center two days a week and is with my grandfather two mornings a week all while my mum is at work.

My mum won't accept any help in the home unless by me. She is a fit & active 60 year old who is due to retire in a month.

Unfortunately she says she married him for better or worse etc etc

Told her I don't really won't both parents ill and to think about herself too. Easier said than done I know

Thank you for listening, I think I may come back on here again :)