HELP !!! What to do next?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by DaisyG, May 25, 2006.

  1. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    183
    North West England
    REALLY need advice right now...

    I have just spent the last hour in a 'state' of shock, horror and panic.

    My husband went missing!!

    I was outside sweeping our steps, and he went on his little walk up our long driveway.
    (HE HAS NEVER GONE FURTHER THAN THE KERB BEFORE.... and ALWAYS comes right back).

    I looked up ... expecting him to appear... He was gone... no sign.

    Ran to the neighbours.. no one in etc....
    Could not see him up/down the road AT ALL....
    and the 'speed' he walks at because of his stroke... he really could not have gone at all far.


    So.. I called the police. I didn't know what else to do. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I was so worried.
    At this point he was gone for about half an hour....

    While still on the phone ... 'up he pops !' .... he'd been into a neighbours garden, and had just been talking...

    He's never even talked to this neighbour before now....

    I apologised to the police ... what more could I do?

    He's now sat in the lounge next door saying "Euu what?", has NO idea of the worry he has just caused.

    I've done my stern 'telling him off' .... telling him he really MUST tell if he is going to walk further... where he intends to go etc....

    I'm now sat here in shock !!

    Is this how things are going to be?
    Am I going to have to 'supervise' him on ALL of his little walks?
    Should I tell the Social Workers?


    I've had my rant....

    Just needed to tell someone....

    Thanks


    DaisyG
     
  2. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Daisy,
    You did just the right thing. You checked the neighbours, you looked yourself, half an hour had elapsed and your husband is a vulnerable person (even though he doesn't like to think so.
    We lost my mum twice whilst she was visiting us, the second time she was found in the village; the first she was found walking down a A road, fortunately a social worker spotted her, picked her up realising that there was a problem, and took her to the police station. We phoned them in desperation "I've lost my mum", to be told "Can you come and collect her?" They had tried to get her to wait in an interview room, to no avail, she wouldn't sit still, and when we found her she was locked the other side of the counter with the Duty Sergeant!! He was so pleased to see us! We laugh about it now, but it was terrifying at the time.
    We then started having to lock the gates.
    So Daisy, maybe it is a new stage, a new challenge to be met - but you'll do it!
    Love Amy
     
  3. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    3,433
    Suffolk,England
    Oh poor Daisy, you must have been absolutely beside yourself!

    At least he's safe & well, and don't worry about the police; I know that they are involved in lots of cases where 'wandering' patients (or children of course!) cause concern, and I'm sure thay would rather have 50 "early warning" alerts which come to nothing, rather than NOT have one until it's too late and someone's hurt or worse!

    If your husband has a particular 1 or 2 neighbours to whom he likes to chat, perhaps you could gently explain how worried you were, and make sure they have your Tel. No. handy (and you have theirs!) in case you are searching again. Should you tell the Social Worker? Probably, and perhaps ask them to record it, but keep it lightweight. Obviously if it should happen again, then it may need to be taken more seriously, but no harm done this time, thank goodness!

    Regards
     
  4. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    183
    North West England
    Relief....

    Well, I'm over the shock now...

    The 'neighbour' that had the 'visit' has NEVER spoken to either one of us !!
    It's a few houses down...

    I think he just wandered down their drive ... saw him .. and started chatting.
    God only know what they talked about... The mind boggles!!


    DaisyG
     
  5. tinker

    tinker Registered User

    May 4, 2006
    8
    Hi Daisy,

    How frightening for you, at least you found him and all was well.... I notice that you mentioned that he doesn't walk very well, following a stroke so 'couldn't get far'

    I don't want to worry you further, but my father used to 'escape' as I call it from the house quite a lot. We had to lock every door and remove the keys, as well as all the window locks! He had an arthritic hip, that meant he could only shuffle a few paces, before needing to sit down and rest it was so painful. But when he did get out and went on one of 'his walks', he was out of the house, and gone before you could find him.

    The police were often called, because we used to have the neighbours out and we were also out looking for him ....but he could 'be anywhere' He was found once by the police about a mile and a half from the house, walking along a main road, completely confused, but wouldn't get in the car with them! another time they had the helicopter up looking for him... It was unbelievable!

    I don't know how and it will remain a mystery, but he could get up the most amazing turn of speed when he went 'into one' When he was found or brought home, he would be completely confused and upset about what all the fuss was... he didn't know where he'd been, how he got there or indeed where he was at that moment.

    My Father was not well physically and yet could still manage to just dissapear! So whilst it sounds completely unreal, it happens and it happens a lot.

    The Police were great, they never once complained, we had a community liaison officer that was always there to add support and the police people in general were really kind and caring... Even when the Helicopter went up..

    Keep your eyes open and your walking shoes handy, we used to take it in turn to follow him if we saw him heading out, though he became very clever at avoiding being caught...but he wouldn't let us walk with him and used to get very angry, so we just followed at a discreet distance and believe me, I'm quite fit and he could really move a pace...

    I'm glad that you have your husband home...and that everything was Ok. Have you given him a book or something with his name and postcode in it also a contact telephone number? My father had his book (no address as you never know who may find it) but with the house number, the post code and a contact telephone number, anyone who did find him can always call you and if it's the police they can look up your postcode and bring him home... It worked for us and may work for you too??

    Hope all is well and that you have recovered from your shock...

    Tinker
    x
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I remember my mum doing that 3 times first time after when I took mum to see dad grave trun my back & she was gone , then found her up the road with a police man ,who I must say had lovely sea blue eyes .

    2nd time when I left mum at her sister ,she had an argument with her & mum walk of so I called the local hospital & then the police the police had found her and a social worker brought her home.

    3rd time in the middle of the night as I was coming home from a night out I found her wondering down the street in her night dress , that was a lucky call , but then I got mum on her medication keep a good eye on her & it all stop .

    Must say that all this happen at the beginning of mum AD, what stage is your husband at? & is he on any AD medication? Daisy
     
  7. DaisyG

    DaisyG Registered User

    Feb 20, 2006
    183
    North West England
    Relief....

    Yes, he already carries ID (post code and phone no). It's on his epilepsy alert card. + all the medications that he is on....

    (I've seen a thing on the web a few weeks ago, that looked like one of those old fashioned dog tags/ barrell like. It was small, and had a red cross on it.
    The idea being that you put all medical details in it.... and clip it to a keyring).


    Tinker...
    I know about the 'speed thing'.. and the distance he can cover is amazing... slow...but amazing.
    Your posting made me smile at least....

    Wonder if I need to contact the local Community Officer to tell them?
    Might be worth telling the Neighbourhood Watch Co-ordinator...

    Thanks.

    DaisyG
     
  8. Megan

    Megan Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    16
    Hampshire
    I sympathise with you Daisy, my husband does this wandering off all the time. I too had the Police out on Monday of this week, at 11.30 at night as Colin had been gone for several hours. He keeps going to the Hospital where he has day care for two days a week and wandering the grounds. The Police are always very helpful, so don't worry about contacting them if you're at al frantic! They returned him to me at 12.50 am, Colin was completely unconcerned and didn't even know what time of the morning it was, even though I ranted a bit and said did he realise that I had to get up for work at 6.15, but no not all bothered about that. It's very trying and tiring, but the only way over it is to have a good laugh about it, which I did with my girlfriends at work the next day. They never know what I'm going to tell them Colin has done next, it's quite entertaining in a way, never a dull moment, but exhausting all the same.
     
  9. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Daisy
    Daisy I would tell every body.
    My wife has only wandered the house and garden so far,but I have explained the situation to all the neighbours,they are all aware of Peg's illness.
    They all understand and offered help should it be needed.
    Norman
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.