Help please !

[Boutinette]

Although I joined this support group a while back , my husband hasn’t yet been officially diagnosed with dementia
The doctor says there is a long wait for this to happen and I don’t know what it involves anyway
My Husband is in hospital at the moment and I visit him every day but today I had to walk away as he was quite unpleasant to me
He thinks it’s my fault that he’s not being discharged yet
I don’t know if he will be diagnosed with dementia one day but he certainly has delirium and I know the 2 interweave
But whatever it is , I don’t know how to cope with it hence me walking away today
Has anybody got any tips please on what to do ?
This is relatively recent for us and I haven’t been given the instructions booklet in how to deal with somebody who has most certainly got dementia
I would be very grateful if someone could advise me
Thank you

 

[Blissy]

Sorry didn't me to press the ignore button! Unfortunately don't think you will find an instruction booklet as each dementia patient seems to have different issues. With regard to you walking away, that is probably the best thing you could have done as trying to reason with your husband probably wouldn't have worked and may have made things worse. I have found it a case of trial and error in dealing with my husband and even then what works one day may not the next. Sorry, this doesn't sound very encouraging but I will say that by posting on this forum you will find carers with similar problems who will have suggestions for you to try. Keep reading the forum as well and post anytime you feel the need to let off steam as no one will judge and will have sympathy with your situation.

 

[Kevinl]

We are all help to help, specific diagnosis doesn't matter, when, what or where or how, it's all about mutual support .
We help each other just like they supported me in the past, just here to help if we can. K

 

[Rishile]

I had to deal with this every day when my husband was in hospital. He just couldn't understand why I was going and he couldn't come with me. I used to give a nod to one of the nurses when I was leaving and they would either make a fuss of him until I had got away or offer him a cup of tea in another room. He never remembered the next day. Sadly, I remembered though.

 

[peter1.]

I had to deal with this every day when my husband was in hospital. He just couldn't understand why I was going and he couldn't come with me. I used to give a nod to one of the nurses when I was leaving and they would either make a fuss of him until I had got away or offer him a cup of tea in another room. He never remembered the next day. Sadly, I remembered though.

I had the same problem with my wife,in and out of hospital with covid pneumonia flue...you don't say if he has dementia, her behavior in hospital resulted being recommended to a carehome for assessment, 3 days before a complete change, after talk to doctor we took her home,,,however the next 9 month saw a return if not worse to behavior,inland out of bed at night,delirious, a couple of aggressive situations resulted in a call to mental health, loads of help offered, eventually leading to being diagnosed with dementia,,,,,,,,medication as made a huge change to nighttime,,,,,,Still delusional,,,at least a good night's sleep for me works wonders,,,,looking back may be an assessment in the first place,was the right way,,,,,sorry for the ramble but there are professionals out there who can help

 

[Boutinette]

Sorry didn't me to press the ignore button! Unfortunately don't think you will find an instruction booklet as each dementia patient seems to have different issues. With regard to you walking away, that is probably the best thing you could have done as trying to reason with your husband probably wouldn't have worked and may have made things worse. I have found it a case of trial and error in dealing with my husband and even then what works one day may not the next. Sorry, this doesn't sound very encouraging but I will say that by posting on this forum you will find carers with similar problems who will have suggestions for you to try. Keep reading the forum as well and post anytime you feel the need to let off steam as no one will judge and will have sympathy with your situation.

Thank you so much for your kind words

 

[SherwoodSue]

Although I joined this support group a while back , my husband hasn’t yet been officially diagnosed with dementia
The doctor says there is a long wait for this to happen and I don’t know what it involves anyway
My Husband is in hospital at the moment and I visit him every day but today I had to walk away as he was quite unpleasant to me
He thinks it’s my fault that he’s not being discharged yet
I don’t know if he will be diagnosed with dementia one day but he certainly has delirium and I know the 2 interweave
But whatever it is , I don’t know how to cope with it hence me walking away today
Has anybody got any tips please on what to do ?
This is relatively recent for us and I haven’t been given the instructions booklet in how to deal with somebody who has most certainly got dementia
I would be very grateful if someone could advise me
Thank you

You are quite right about delirium and dementia being linked but different. There maybe some improvement as the delirium lifts but often not back to complete reversal of symptoms. With regard to the booklet, what you need is such as booklet explaining exactly how your husband will be when he comes home and in what manner and how quickly will symptoms progress?
Sadly , it does not exist for any of us , and if it did it might not help as much as we imagine,
from here on in its day at a time stuff.
Have you got Lasting Power of Attorney ? Attendance Allowance? Once you get a diagnosis also investigate Council Tax disregard
you did the right thing walking away
You will need to continue to practice self care all the way through this journey
It means different things to each of us of course, but do keep posting.

 

[valleygirlvamp]

I had the same problem with my wife,in and out of hospital with covid pneumonia flue...you don't say if he has dementia, her behavior in hospital resulted being recommended to a carehome for assessment, 3 days before a complete change, after talk to doctor we took her home,,,however the next 9 month saw a return if not worse to behavior,inland out of bed at night,delirious, a couple of aggressive situations resulted in a call to mental health, loads of help offered, eventually leading to being diagnosed with dementia,,,,,,,,medication as made a huge change to nighttime,,,,,,Still delusional,,,at least a good night's sleep for me works wonders,,,,looking back may be an assessment in the first place,was the right way,,,,,sorry for the ramble but there are professionals out there who can help

 

[valleygirlvamp]

I'm curious. What type of medicine did the doctors prescribe to keep your SO in bed at night? My husband is only 58. He was diagnosed a year ago. He has started getting up earlier and earlier. This morning, 5:30 am, he was up and dressed. We have 4 dogs. He gets them all riled up to go outside but doesn't let them out. I try to get him back into bed. It usually works. But he has this daily routine, ALL..DAY..LONG..where he says he's tired and wants to go lay down. He goes up puts his pj's on lays down, gets back up, get dressed, over and over and over all day long. .It's just crazy and so hard to deal with.

 

[Boutinette]

You are quite right about delirium and dementia being linked but different. There maybe some improvement as the delirium lifts but often not back to complete reversal of symptoms. With regard to the booklet, what you need is such as booklet explaining exactly how your husband will be when he comes home and in what manner and how quickly will symptoms progress?
Sadly , it does not exist for any of us , and if it did it might not help as much as we imagine,
from here on in its day at a time stuff.
Have you got Lasting Power of Attorney ? Attendance Allowance? Once you get a diagnosis also investigate Council Tax disregard
you did the right thing walking away
You will need to continue to practice self care all the way through this journey
It means different things to each of us of course, but do keep posting.

Thank you

 

[Boutinette]

Thank you everybody for your kind messages

 

[peter1.]

I'm curious. What type of medicine did the doctors prescribe to keep your SO in bed at night? My husband is only 58. He was diagnosed a year ago. He has started getting up earlier and earlier. This morning, 5:30 am, he was up and dressed. We have 4 dogs. He gets them all riled up to go outside but doesn't let them out. I try to get him back into bed. It usually works. But he has this daily routine, ALL..DAY..LONG..where he says he's tired and wants to go lay down. He goes up puts his pj's on lays down, gets back up, get dressed, over and over and over all day long. .It's just crazy and so hard to deal with.

Just seen,,,,,Trazodone 50gm twice aday

 

[peter1.]

Trazodone 50mg

 

[jay6]

Hi @Boutinette. Seems you have to keep battling with GP for a diagnosis. I battled for almost 3 years until they finally listened. Seems its like that for many on here.
You could ask the hospital if they could do a test, that's how I eventually got listen to.