Help needed

[andifos]

Hi

My name's Steph. I need suggestions on how to talk to my brother.
My sister-in-law is showing signs of possible dementia and my brother is ignoring those signs. All the rest of the family are very concerned but reluctant to talk about it to my brother. I've been nominated to say something, but don't know where to start.
Obviously, he'll be upset and probably angry and be worried about alarming my sister-in-law.
Any suggestions would be gratefully received.

 

[2jays]

Difficult one

My thoughts
If you recognise there may be "issues". So has your brother.

My thoughts
Plain talking. Tell him you all have noticed she is showing signs of having problems.

Offer to come with him to the GP to discuss all your thoughts of what is happening to your SIL

If he won't (can't) listen

Be there for him when he can (does) listen. Denial by either party is hard to overcome. If you feel she is being neglected by him, write to her GP with your concerns. GP won't necessarily respond, but your letter will be on your SIL notes

It may be nothing to do with dementia/Alzheimer's. It may be something "easily" sorted.

Our instinctive reaction is to "sort" things that we see are not working properly. Sometimes we can only show our concern and then take a back seat, hard as that is to do.

 

[princess1]

husband sleeps all the time

does anyone have this problem my husband with alz sleeps all the time from 3 to 4 in afternoon sometime he watches tv all day until he goes to bed at 6pm he also can hardly walk from lack of excise has to have help walking he has an aide who takes him out 3 times a week but don't seem to help his walking any ideas

 

[2jays]

does anyone have this problem my husband with alz sleeps all the time from 3 to 4 in afternoon sometime he watches tv all day until he goes to bed at 6pm he also can hardly walk from lack of excise has to have help walking he has an aide who takes him out 3 times a week but don't seem to help his walking any ideas

No. No ideas

Just my thoughts

Hardly walks through lack of exercise

Or

hardly walks because he has dementia/Alzheimer's and has a problem "Remembering how to walk"

This carer life we lead is so hard. The second guessing of what is causing certain things, for example, that seemingly work in the morning they then don't work in the afternoon.

 

[Kevinl]

Hi Steph
Make a list of the significant things you and other family members have noticed, then edit it down to the really important ones, don't go for weight of evidence focus on the really significant events preferably ones he witnessed. Stay away from saying "me and the family think..." makes it sounds like you're all conspiring against them, present him with the facts and ask him what he thinks.
My position is much like his, I have a wife with AZ and maybe it's the hardest bit admitting there is an issue and it needs addressing (maybe it's a man thing), if you can get him to do something about it himself then I believe it would work better than actual family intervention.
Men expect to get ill and generally die before their wives it can sometime be harder for a man to acknowledge illness, that's why we never go to the doctors, probably that's why we die first!
I'd nudge before I pushed on this one, you might be able to nudge him into it rather than pushing and getting resistance.
K