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Help needed getting mum to daycare

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Gordy, Jan 21, 2015.

  1. Gordy

    Gordy Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    17
    It was supposed to be mum's first day at daycare today. I arranged for her AS carer to go in at 9am to get her up and dressed and on the minibus and I told dad not to say anything to her until the carer arrived. However, he did and she got very upset and distressed and refused to get out of bed. I suspected this would be the case which is why I arranged for the carer to go in but she couldn't persuade mum either, dad said she was shouting at them and they had to give up. I feel so disappointed for her as I know she will enjoy once she's there, it's just getting her there that's the problem. I'm going to go next week and take her myself but I can't do that every week and I don't want her to think that's going to happen every week. God this is hard, how do you persuade someone that you are doing these things for them, to help them and that they will have a nice time when they get there? I think mum just thinks we're ganging up on her. I know the daycare centre probably get this all the time but I feel like we've let them down as well, places are like gold dust and I don't want to lose mum's place there, she's been on the waiting list since June and she really needs this, so does dad. Any suggestions of how to sell it to her, I'm at my wits end. Thanks.
     
  2. susy

    susy Registered User

    Jul 29, 2013
    806
    North East
    I think you need to glue your dad's lips together (only joking, please don't actually do this!)
    If you warn/inform someone that they are going to do something new that they are going to be resistant to then simply don't tell them in the terms they don't want to hear. Tell her WHEN she is ready that you are taking her for a day out, take her to the day care and stay til she is settled then pick her up when you say you are going to (don't for goodness sake give her a time though or she may dwell on that the whole time she is there)

    Love lies is the way forward. Being truthful and honest and open will only bring resistance. Xxx
     
  3. Onlyme

    Onlyme Registered User

    Apr 5, 2010
    4,999
    UK
    Tell her she is going to a lunch club with you for a select few and Dad is NOT invited or allowed.;)
     
  4. Gordy

    Gordy Registered User

    Jan 7, 2015
    17
    I think you must have met my dad Susy, you clearly seem to know him very well!! ;) Thanks for the advise guys, I think keeping mum is the way forward (pardon the pun) and not telling her about anything until it's about to happen. I'll be telling dad to keep it zipped until I get there next Wednesday, wish me luck :) x
     
  5. magic800

    magic800 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2014
    17
    I was due to take my Aunt "out for a coffee yesterday" which was a short visit to a day care centre she was looking forward to it, however it didn't work out as she had a fall and is now in a community intervention bed. So I have the mountain to climb once again when she comes home! Good luck with your mum x
     

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