My MIL has been in a care home for six weeks - emergency social worker involved over Christmas as she physically assaulted ( not for the first time ) her husband age 87 . She does not appear to be settling and we have been advised she may need to move to an EMI unit due to her challenging behaviour . She has hit back at staff and other residents but we don't seem to get much detail from the home . Today I visited with my daughter ( her grand daughter ) who she remembered and seemed content with our company for about an hour . We said goodbye and she said she was just having a rest before lunch - she seemed fine . We tried to leave but the lift was broken and we had to walk back into the dementia unit to leave via the staircase . We heard her before we saw her !! She was hysterical crying out - where am I ? Where is Ron ? Take me home !! Etc etc . I calmed her down and spoke to the staff . Apparently this is how she is whenever she is not with family visitors and it is this behaviour that leads to other residents telling her to be quiet and her arguing and then hitting out . What can we do as family to help as we can't be at the home 24/7 ? How will an EMI unit work any better ? Any advise appreciated
Help me please ! Where am I ?
- Thread starter ANITRAM
- Start date
Hi .the care home my dad was in had similar problems with one of their ladies who was fine while her daughter was there but crying and distressed when she wasn't. I believe they had some success with a cuddly toy on which the daughter recorded a soothing message along the lines of she would be back to see her soon and other reassurances.
It was expensive.and of course there's no guarantee that it would work for your MIL
I've no idea where this toy came from. Perhaps one of the other members will know
It was expensive.and of course there's no guarantee that it would work for your MIL
I've no idea where this toy came from. Perhaps one of the other members will know
It's still relatively early days for your MIL and she may settle. I think an EMI home would have a higher ratio of staff, but to be honest the label 'EMI' seems to be a bit of a moveable feast. If she doesn't settle, it could be that another dementia CH (possibly an EMI) would have staff who are better able to distract/comfort and generally manage your MIL.
It's a bit worrying that you only get vague reports about the aggression, I would expect to be given details. A while ago my mother told another resident to shut up and the resident slapped her on the hand. There was no resulting injury but it was still reported to me within an hour, along with the measures they took afterwards.
I am wondering how often family visit her? It is sometimes suggested to visit less often in the early days, so that the person acclimatises to their new surroundings and gets to know the staff rather than relying on family.
It's a bit worrying that you only get vague reports about the aggression, I would expect to be given details. A while ago my mother told another resident to shut up and the resident slapped her on the hand. There was no resulting injury but it was still reported to me within an hour, along with the measures they took afterwards.
I am wondering how often family visit her? It is sometimes suggested to visit less often in the early days, so that the person acclimatises to their new surroundings and gets to know the staff rather than relying on family.
My mum was a bit like you describe. Try taking in a cuddly toy or doll (my mum preferred the doll). Perhaps your daughter could cradle first, initiate a conversation about 'the baby' and hand to your mum. Continue the conversation re looking after. It helped us manage the parting times.
Hope this is useful.
Hope this is useful.
