Help ! I don`t know what to do

[Sally-Ann]

My mum-in-law has been showing signs of possible dementia for a year or so now. She is 90 and is becoming more and more confused with everyday life. Her nurse did the mini assessment and asked me a few questions (Mum is almost deaf now) and she has been referred to the memory clinic for assessment.

My problem at the moment is that she is completely confused about her medication and is even refusing to take her calcium tablets. She wants her old meds back and has even recently gone to the chemist in a confused state and demanded them.

Today we went to the Dr`s and she got really upset and told the Dr that her COPD inhalers had run out and she didn`t know how to order new ones and so has gone without taking them. The Dr prescribed two more and off i went to the chemist to get them.

The chemist was really worried and explained how mum came in last week and gave him back two inhalers and the calcium tablets he dispensed to her the day before. She insisted she does not need them. So off i trot back to Mum and explain she ran out of inhalers because she gave them back to the chemist. She insists she did not and that they are in the cupboard ! She even forgot she had told the Dr she ran out this morning.

We are hugely worried that she is missing taking medication and worse still is returning things to the chemist that she needs. She doesn`t understand how ordering and receiving her meds works anymore and she is going to the Dr and chemist asking them to explain things, but then she still has no idea. However, she will not let us deal with them for her or organise a delivery service.

Please could anyone offer some advice ? We desperately want to help her, but she has become obsessed with getting old meds back and sorting it all out herself. My husbands family seem in denial about what is happening to their Mum and i`m totally lost for how i can help her or them. It is awful seeing her like this and my husband getting upset because he cannot work out why explaining anything to her has become impossible. She has also turned against him quite dramatically and just tuts and rolls er eyes if he says anything or tells him he`s lying - is this normal for somebody with dementia ? it is heart breaking.

 

[Jessbow]

All sounds pretty classic to me.
You think you have problems not taking calcium - I discovered stock pile of insulin- bottles and bottles of the stuff Mum hadn't been injecting. she'd trotted off to the diabetic clinic monthly, assuring them yes, she was doing it correctly- she ended up prescribed outrageous does ( 80- odd units daily) and still her blood sugar levels were sky high- now we know why.

She'd always liked to inject in private dad used to ask her had she done it, she tottered back to the bedroom, sat and wondered why she was there, and then returned to the lounge without having done it. How she survived as long as she did I will never know.

Talk to the chemist- get him onside. talk to G< express your concerns- see what you can come up with between you. Pre filled dosett boxes is one option ''the Dr says you have to have these now''

 

[chris53]

Good afternoon Sally-Ann,a warm welcome to you to Talking Point, medication is such a worry when dementia invades their/our world...an assessment needs to be done by social services to see what help they can give mum in law,one of which is having a carer in to give MiL her meds...a cheeky but quicker way of doing this is to have a consultation(by phone if possible) with her GP who can then fast track mum for an assessment, however you have said she has been at last been referred to the memory clinic,they can do home visits..although do not "advertise" this, so you need to really lay it on the line that you can't get her there,so worried(which you are) her age,vulnerable adult etc..also her GP could pop in and reassure her to take these "new" medications as it will help "him/her" mum is of a generation that what the doctor said was what she had to do,and yes sadly the denial by family and the person who has this illness is very common,explaining does not work and can end up with frustration and upset all round.
Hope you get practical help very soon
Take care
Chris
P.S this link to compassionate communication may be of help
http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf

 

[Sally-Ann]

Thank you Jessbow - Wow ! Thank heavens you realized before your Mum became seriously ill. My partner is diabetic, so i know how important controlled sugar levels are. Do you manage to get her to take the insulin now ?

I did have a long conversation with the chemist today and he was really kind and helpful. The trouble is that the doctor and nurse have suggested a dosett box, but the chemist says as she only has 3-4 tablets per day, they can`t really do it. The inhalers are rather more important with her lung condition and repeated infections, but like your Mum, she tells us that she is taking them and we usually find out by accident.

It is just so difficult watching her become more and more withdrawn and frustrated. She is such a kind and loving lady, we hate seeing her so confused and upset.

All sounds pretty classic to me.
You think you have problems not taking calcium - I discovered stock pile of insulin- bottles and bottles of the stuff Mum hadn't been injecting. she'd trotted off to the diabetic clinic monthly, assuring them yes, she was doing it correctly- she ended up prescribed outrageous does ( 80- odd units daily) and still her blood sugar levels were sky high- now we know why.

She'd always liked to inject in private dad used to ask her had she done it, she tottered back to the bedroom, sat and wondered why she was there, and then returned to the lounge without having done it. How she survived as long as she did I will never know.

Talk to the chemist- get him onside. talk to G< express your concerns- see what you can come up with between you. Pre filled dosett boxes is one option ''the Dr says you have to have these now''

 

[Jessbow]

Do you manage to get her to take the insulin now ?

doctor and nurse have suggested a dosett box, but the chemist says as she only has 3-4 tablets per day, they can`t really do it.

Mum passed away some time ago now, but No, I had to do it in the end, before I got the district nurses involved ( otherwise I was committed 24/7/365 and I wasn't prepared to do that)

You tell the chemist the Dr wants it that way. he can do it with 1 tablet a day if he wants- yes its a faff and time consuming but....she needs it

 

[Sally-Ann]

I`m so sorry your Mum has passed on. We have used the District nursing team when she got ulcers on her legs, they are worth their weight in gold.

I think we have the chemist sorted now for delivering her meds, which is great news. Thank you for the advice, it is hugely appreciated.

 

[Kikki21]

Hi Sally Ann

I would urge you to get Social Services involved now so that a care assessment is carried out and that carers can be on hand for medication/and or other visits. It took 5 months for this to happen with my mum but she is now needing more and more care so it definitely needed doing!