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Help & Advice Required

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by blue skies, Oct 6, 2015.

  1. blue skies

    blue skies Registered User

    Sep 18, 2015
    Hi Yes, I'm new to all of this, however the more I read I feel that my Mother falls into various categories. First of all she is 82, and really up to many months ago in relative good health, yes she has diabetes, heart problems and has had acute glaucoma, but all under check, ie medication or operation. However for the last few years she has on a regular basis been behaving oddly, telling me and accusing me of letting people into my flat ( I live below her) at all hours of the day and night as well as when I'm at work. I have had my locks changed twice as well as installing hd cameras to no avail and she still wont listen even though I can show her footage. Its now every other day, she also has irregular sleep patterns and is losing or hiding things again blaming me for stealing. We also has the same conversation over and over again. As she is a very strong independent person there is no way that I am able to get her to the doctors, we don't even go to the same practise. What can I do. Please help and advise
  2. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    How worrying for you, and how fortunate your Mum is to have you living close to hand. Sadly, your post indicates several clues as to her health, and familiar traits. Firstly, you've done the right thing by joining TP, where you will find lots of people who not only understand, but can give you advice and support, first hand.

    Alas, it doesn't matter how many times you reassure her that nobody has entered your flat, or show her cctv footage. As far as she's concerned, those people exist. I can only speak from my own experience, but when, for instance, John said that he couldn't get to sleep because "all those other people in my room are making a row", it was futile for me to say that there wasn't anybody there.

    Instead I marched into the room, flung the door open and shouted "either stop making a noise or get out! Now!!". I ushered these invisible people out, and then told John they had all left, and he was happy to return to his room. Others have read how we entertained Margaret Thatcher in our home, long after she died, but that's another story. ;)

    Finding huge reserves of patience, and learning to deal with anything, in the most effective way, will eventually come. Meanwhile, welcome to TP. :)
  3. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    Hi blue skies, welcome to TP
    I'd write to her GP detailing the issues and ask them to call her in for a "well woman" check up or something like that, she may be more inclined to go if they ask her to go then you offer to take her. Once the doctors are aware they do have a duty of care to do something. I don't know if you've thought about it but now would be a good time to get a Power of Attorney in place.
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Hello blue skies and welcome to TP.
    Yup I recognise all of those things - they were the first symptoms to alert me that my mum had something very wrong which turned out to be Alzheimers.
    However it may not be dementia - other things can give similar symptoms, so I would suggest that you make her GP aware of these things. You could write a letter, which would go onto her files, or you could book an appointment to see him/her and explain the problem. Her GP wont be able to discuss it with you, but can listen to your concerns and may be agreeable to getting her an appointment for a "check-up" or flu jab and assessing her "just in passing" ;);)
    If you cant get her there by stealth then her GP may be happy to visit her at home.

    If it turns out to be dementia we are here to advise :)
  5. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    It is flu jab time of year - would your mother agree to attend her GP surgery on that pretext? If so, you could forewarn the GP of the real problem.
  6. Scarlett123

    Scarlett123 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    What a great idea! :)
  7. Casbow

    Casbow Registered User

    Sep 3, 2013

    What about a flu jab. Would she go for that, And if you go towards the end of the session ask if they will do a memory test as you can't get her to go to the doctor. I think most practices would do this. It is just a few questions like what year is it. etc. My husband has vascular dementia and cannot get any of the questions right. I was offered the test the other day when I went for a routine B12 jab which I was happy to take and pleased to get them all right. I wish you luck.x

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