Hello - new member here, my Dad is 59 and has AD

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Vik, Jan 29, 2004.

  1. Vik

    Vik Registered User

    Jan 29, 2004
    12
    Derbyshire
    Just wanted to say hello as I am new to this forum and in fact new to discussion forums altogether. My Dad is 59 and was diagnosed when he was 57, although we think (with hindsight - isn't that a wondeful thing?) that he has had it for about 10 years.

    Mum is a teacher and has to work full time. She is just 52. She is coping really well, all things considered. I live 100 miles away and work full time. My sister lives 250 miles away and also works full time. We both spend all of our time fretting about mum and how she is managing. It is a constant worry. We both phone her every night so that she has some conversation.

    Dad is now just very grumpy and aggressive all of the time with us. Annoyingly, he still manages to be pleasant to other people sometimes, but rarely with us. He used to be the most gentle, jovial and sociable man you could ever wish to meet. He now cannot even manage simple tasks and struggles to string a sentence together. We have some day care and a home carer for an hour each morning to help get him up and ready, so that mum can get out to work. We have started looking at care homes, so that we can see what's out there (basically nothing for someone like him in his area) although he won't even accept he is ill. We only get him to day care as he thinks he is going as a helper. He certainly looks like he is young enough to be a helper not a patient.

    No-one ever tells you to make the most of your teens as when you hit your twenties you will be spending all your spare time trying to support one parent and caring for the other. They are constantly on my mind.

    Luckily, I was quick to get a power of attorney sorted and I looked after the finances until mum found her feet, now she does most of it but has my sister and I to chat to about stuff like that. Still, it's not the same as having us round the corner to help out day to day, but it's the best we can do unfortunately.

    Anyway, I am rambling - once you start you just can't stop, as they say!!

    I look forward to sharing my experiences with you all, seeking advice and hopefully giving it too!
     
  2. susie

    susie Registered User

    Nov 30, 2003
    82
    shropshire
    Hi Vik
    I'm a newish member to the forum and have found it a great help to find other people going through the same range of emotions as me. My husband has just been dianosed at 58 and I know how hard it is for my son and daughter to come to terms with it. I am lucky that they live very close but also they seem uncomfortable changes at close range which isn't so good. I try not to lean on my daughter too much yet as there will be times when I will really need her. For the moment, I think my children should be able to continue with their own lives as far as possible until really needed. You seem to be giving your Mum the right support and I know how much she will appreciate a regular contact with you. Just having a close family member to share problems with,will help your Mum.I work too and find it tiring and certainly looking at care places before they are needed is useful.
    Just be there to listen and prop her up during the bad times and if possible, offer a her a break if you can get down to see her.
    It seems as if you are doing well with some care but keep pushing for more care as needed, as I've found out that those who keep shouting get the help!
    Good Luck
    Susie
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.