I am also Power of Attorney for my ex-partner. I visit him every day and stay until he goes to bed. I shop for him, cook, look after all his financial affairs and his housekeeping, cleaning, laundry, personal care and house and garden maintenance. I do not drive and live thirty minutes walk away from him. He is fairly okay in the mornings, but suffers from sundowning effect. I admit get depressed and extremely tired due to lack of sleep. I have had to virtually abandon my own lifestyle -holidays, hobbies and travel etc. But I know that I am only one of thousands of people having to cope in similar situations. Many are worse off.
Hello - my name is Desi, I am 85 years of age and carer for an ex- partner who is 88 and has vascular dementia.
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hi Desi, what a trooper you are for your ex. it is exhausting for sure. Can you not at least get a carer for some of the days/evenings? 'depressed and extremely tired' are not good signs. They tell you to get some break and respite. A lot of us, thousands, tens of thousands maybe, are in the same situation. My life as I knew it is over. Forget travelling and holidays. I take whatever free hours I can grab. exercise class, letting the adult kids take over the odd weekend visits. even if I do not go anywhere, them taking him for half a day is like a holiday for me. What fors does his sundowning take? mine sees me as his mother , not just evenings these days, I morph into mum morning, afternoon, night without pattern, no trigger points, just happens without warning in a heart beat. This is my life now. Taking it one day at a time.Good luck. Try and get a regular break, please
Hi @Desi and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. This is a great place to ask questions, share with people who understand how much dementia demands of carers, and to let off steam. I am sure that you will find support here.
its hard work, isnt it? carers could be an idea even if only in the morning to get him up. give yourself breaks and do somethings for you. hes lucky to have you
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