Hello just wanted to introduce myself

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by calamityjane, Apr 13, 2006.

  1. calamityjane

    calamityjane Registered User

    Apr 13, 2006
    15
    Where does one start , my mother has suffered with her nerves for as far back as i can remember away back my earliest memory was of a needy person very agressive and demanding ,yet loveing in her own way we have had the closest mother daughter relationship i think because of this ,although it was always unhealthy so to speak as i was like the mother in it ,my brother was born 7 years after me and unfortunatly he suffers with severe epilepsy and learning and learning difficultys due to brain damage ,he has been over the years very hard to look after demanding 24/7 care but he is blood and yes it is thicker than water so any thing that his illness threw at us we worked togeather to over come .My father died aged 55 when my brother was 18 so it has been me and my mother for the last 23 years who have shared the care and have been pleased we were able to do it .5 weeks ago my mother had the results of her brain scan back the plaques inside the brain are very thin the psychiatrist explianed to us the brain cells are dying due to her age but when pushed ,as mother was in the room and i know he didnt want to frighten her there is more damage than someone her age should have ,he told me at a later date it is dementia and we are waiting for an appointment at the memory clinic for her it was a shock although looking back there are countless signs that should have prepared me going back four years at least maybe more .Her memory has been so bad the last year she couldnt put out her own tablets or handle money although she always sorted my brothers tablets out but he doesnt take as many as her ,this has also got the better of her now she has been unable to cook a proper meal for two years but as i moved down next door to her 8 years ago as she has a spell in hospital for an infection at which point she became very ill mentaly but i put it down to the infection then, but looking back she never fully recovered her mental capcilty fully after was that the start ?who knows !but as i have gone over every day shopped for them etc for the last 8 years it is hard to pin point when the dementia started i know it was two or three years ago i became very concerned about her driving ablity she would be driving away and talking twenty to the dozen and not concentrating at all on the road my heart was in my mouth yet any mention of her giving up would cause a row then one day we went to the shop and she started driving in the wrong direction to go home when i asked her where she was going she thought we lived the other side of town ,which we had years ago this pulled her up and she gave up the driving .Since last year things have got a lot worse she is either very quiet and in to herself not wanting to go out or agitated complete opposites but as she has always sufferd with metal health problems i was hopeing that was the cause .My auntie died aged 83 (mams sister ) 2 years ago and was in a home as she suffered from dementia and my mother always prayed she wouldnt lose her sanity never mentioned any other sort illness she dreaded but that !the last 2 months things have stepped up a gear and she is repeating herself constantly mistrusting me with her medication to the point i had to take her up to the Doctor this week to pacify her as she was so wound up thinking i was over doseing her ,the night before she was knocking me up at 3 am wanting me to phone the Doctor for the same thing .The stories i have read on here are heart breaking familys trying to exist with little sleep worn down from years of careing for loved ones just simple things like turning the TV over my son is called every day to find Judge Judy on the TV for her but we are lucky we only live next door not every one is so fortunate you are all doing your best as am i ,just being on here pouring our hearts out to each other shows we dont switch off the careing roll weather we are with the loved one or not ,we are all trying to find answers and scared ,i feel very scared how long will i be able to care for them both what happens if she distrusts me the only one she has to turn to she has no more family apart from my son and daughter who live very busy lifes and to be fare i dont want to put on them ,i have always been a carer and i wouldnt wish it on them .I am sorry to go on so long but i wanted to give as full a picture of myself as possible and i promise from now on my posts will be regular size .:)
     
  2. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    1,157
    Hi calamityjane

    welcome to TP, you poor thing it sounds as if you have had enough thrown at you,

    this place is great for getting things off your chest though and you wont get better advice from anywhere, ive only been here a few weeks but you soon get to know everyone, so dont be sorry for writing, write away, sometimes just to be able to "talk" to someone who's not actually involved with your particular problem makes all the difference.

    I do hope your mum gets the help she needs do you have a CPN you could talk to or social worker there is help out there its just finding it.

    sorry im not very good at giving advice i tend to be the one asking for it:confused:
    but there are many people here who do give good advice and im sure you'l be hearing from them soon

    best wishes
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hello calamity, welcome to TP.

    Well you have found us, and now you will never be alone. Thank you for giving us the background information, you have had it hard over the years already.

    Please ask for any advice you may need, always someone on here to help out. Just to say thinking of you, Connie
     
  4. Dave W

    Dave W Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    268
    Bucks
    Welcome

    Hi Calamity

    and a warm welcome to TP. Our stories may be sad, but we have warm hearts and I hope you'll find plenty of support and advice here.

    Your life cerainly sounds like a challenge, but I think you'll find the memory appointment clinic will mean that things kick into action in terms of providing or offering help to you and your Mum.

    It's always difficult at appointments when your relative is present, but try to contact the staff involved beforehand to see if there is a possibility of you talking to them separately as part of the appointment. And write down your questions before you go so you don't forget them - it's easy to forget in the heat of the moment. From everything you've said, you will entitled to help and support (getting your Mum to accept it may be a challenge and you will probably have to come to terms with telling a few 'white lies' to make sure things are done that are in her best interest - it's hard at first, but you ralise after a while that it's the only way).

    Good luck, and do keep posting to let us all know how you're getting on.
     
  5. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    4,348
    Birmingham Hades
    Welcome Calamity
    Keep posting,we are here to try and help
    Norman
     

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