I've recently (March 1st) moved my Mum in with me as I could see she was not coping living alone - she was not eating or looking after herself in terms of personal care. I used to visit regularly, clean and do her laundry plus shopping, but she really dipped in terms of her ability cope alone from about late January onwards and I also noticed she had not picked up her anxiety medication in February. She had, after a several years of me trying to convince her, agreed that we would buy a place together (she is 94) so that I could support her more. Throughout her life she has always been very self-contained, but also anxious (she had never been open to seeking counselling for her anxiety despite encouragement from me and others, and only reluctantly agreed to take Mirtrazapine a few years ago which seemed to keep her on an even keel although she said it did not particularly help lift her mood). The first two weeks were a nightmare - Mum was disoriented (understandable, a new place) and it took me a few days to have her medication transferred to a local pharmacy and her registered with a local GP. She is currently at the start of undergoing tests for possible dementia (ie a UTI has been ruled out), she is awaiting blood test results and waiting for a CTI scan. Mum is relatively mobile and is able to use the loo during the day and at night. My issue is the anxiety. She constantly follows me around the house looking for me if I am more than 5 minutes away from the room she's sitting in. She gets up at night hourly to use the bathroom (uses it infrequently throughout the day) which I think may be due to her anxiety, and then wanders in to my room asking whether it is "time to get up now" (this at 1am and obviously dark out!!). Repeatedly throughout the day, she asks me "what are we going to do next", and seems to get agitated if I do anything other than sit in the chair next to her. She cannot follow the articles in her newspaper anymore or the TV guide (keeps asking me what we are watching). She likes nothing better than to have me drive her around while she stares out the window. If I say I need to go out, even for 20 minutes alone she gets very distressed as wails 'you're not going to leave me on my own are you' and then when I return I find she is standing by the door. I am afraid she will wander out. I have suggested day care to her, but she does not want to go: I feel I am going to have to insist, as I need a life too. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a month, and have not been out on my own for more than 30 minutes during this time either! This is all sudden, I had no idea she would be so anxious and needy! Has anyone else out there experienced this?!Any suggestions please?
Hello - I'm just introducing myself and seeking support and advice
- Thread starter DeniseK
- Start date
Hi @DeniseK and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your situation but am afraid that you have come up against one of dementia's most common effect: it is all consuming, taking away so much from the person and also from those who live with and care for them.
In my case, it is my wife who has dementia. I recognise much of what you say from my time as her sole carer. I was ground down by a situation that was unsustainable, trying but failing to give her the constant care and support that she needs and deserves. This was only alleviated when I acknowledged the need to change. Now, nearly 5 years on, she is content and properly looked after in her care home and I have reclaimed a lot of the life that I had lost.
I am not saying that this is necessarily the solution to your circumstances. But you do need to find a sustainable long-term solution which both meets your mum's needs and gives you a life not taken over completely by her dementia. Do have a look around the Forum and also the guidance available here:
www.alzheimers.org.uk
In my case, it is my wife who has dementia. I recognise much of what you say from my time as her sole carer. I was ground down by a situation that was unsustainable, trying but failing to give her the constant care and support that she needs and deserves. This was only alleviated when I acknowledged the need to change. Now, nearly 5 years on, she is content and properly looked after in her care home and I have reclaimed a lot of the life that I had lost.
I am not saying that this is necessarily the solution to your circumstances. But you do need to find a sustainable long-term solution which both meets your mum's needs and gives you a life not taken over completely by her dementia. Do have a look around the Forum and also the guidance available here:
Print and online publications about dementia: Full list
Here, you will find our full list of publications that you can download or order as printed copies.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
