Hello I’m Emma

[Ed28]

Hi,
My dad has had declining memory for several years and had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s (likely vascular possibly mixed).
He now lives on his own in a flat owned by my half sister. Up until 4 months ago he was the main carer for his partner who was an alcoholic. She passed away 4 months ago and he moved back to his flat.

He is struggling with cooking meals for himself, eating regularly, admin and paperwork and delusions (about people being in his house and then leaving unexpectedly).

He has a heart condition and is not regularly taking his heart meds but tells everyone he is. He has been offered a home help but has refused. His doctor wants to see him regularly but he is refusing to go. I have a POA but for the moment the medical professions deem him to have capacity.

I feel he is getting by on ‘sound bites’ which he reels off to everyone but I know not to be true. Things like ‘I take my meds twice a day morning and night’. ‘I am always eating’.

He has this new obsession about turning off the new boiler. This is dangerous and could lead to a build up of toxic or flammable gas. He does this because he doesn’t want the heating on.

This is what I have done so far…
*my sister or myself see him 2-3 times per week
*we have set up delivery of blister packs for his meds
*I’ve taken him for a UTI tests (he refused to take the antibiotics)
*I used to take him food shopping and leave it in his fridge
*I’ve helped him to sort his banking passwords about 100 times (he keeps inputting random passwords)
*we supported him to get a new boiler fitted
*we had his flat vaped to kill mould spores

I work full time and I have a 2yo so I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to further help him when he is refusing all help.

Any advice would be appreciated. TIA

 

[UncleRobert]

Hi,
My dad has had declining memory for several years and had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s (likely vascular possibly mixed).
He now lives on his own in a flat owned by my half sister. Up until 4 months ago he was the main carer for his partner who was an alcoholic. She passed away 4 months ago and he moved back to his flat.

He is struggling with cooking meals for himself, eating regularly, admin and paperwork and delusions (about people being in his house and then leaving unexpectedly).

He has a heart condition and is not regularly taking his heart meds but tells everyone he is. He has been offered a home help but has refused. His doctor wants to see him regularly but he is refusing to go. I have a POA but for the moment the medical professions deem him to have capacity.

I feel he is getting by on ‘sound bites’ which he reels off to everyone but I know not to be true. Things like ‘I take my meds twice a day morning and night’. ‘I am always eating’.

He has this new obsession about turning off the new boiler. This is dangerous and could lead to a build up of toxic or flammable gas. He does this because he doesn’t want the heating on.

This is what I have done so far…
*my sister or myself see him 2-3 times per week
*we have set up delivery of blister packs for his meds
*I’ve taken him for a UTI tests (he refused to take the antibiotics)
*I used to take him food shopping and leave it in his fridge
*I’ve helped him to sort his banking passwords about 100 times (he keeps inputting random passwords)
*we supported him to get a new boiler fitted
*we had his flat vaped to kill mould spores

I work full time and I have a 2yo so I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to further help him when he is refusing all help.

Any advice would be appreciated. TIA

Sorry, I don't have much advice for you, but I can empathise. It's just so hard when they don't want any help and push you away when you can see they are not coping. My dad is alone now too and your description of "sound bites" is exactly what he does too. If the doctor comes round, usually at my request, he is so convincing. My dad turns his fridge up so high that all the contents freeze. Like your dad he has a thing about his boiler. He won't turn his heating on in the usual way he fiddles with the boiler. Sometimes the house is so hot as he turns the thermostat up to full. I stopped food shopping as he doesn't eat anything out of the fridge, now I take pre-cooked meals round for him and sit and eat with him.

 

[Ed28]

Thank you for your reply it’s really helpful to be heard.

I looked into a meal delivery service in Edinburgh but did not hear back from them. Perhaps I’ll have another go at that.

I think he did eat the food I took over (eventually!) but of course cooking is a concern for me as he has left stuff ‘slow cooking’ for hours and forgets it’s on!

 

[UncleRobert]

Thank you for your reply it’s really helpful to be heard.

I looked into a meal delivery service in Edinburgh but did not hear back from them. Perhaps I’ll have another go at that.

I think he did eat the food I took over (eventually!) but of course cooking is a concern for me as he has left stuff ‘slow cooking’ for hours and forgets it’s on!

Hi, yes, being heard is really important. I'm in the Edinburgh area too. I tried food delivery services but my dad can't (or won't) work the microwave. I think my mum did pretty much most things for him and he seems to be helpless. I did find that leaving him pre made sandwiches worked for a while and he ate cold puddings regularly. All of the stuff I made and took round for him to microwave I found in his bin.

 

[try again]

It sounds like he really needs carers. You need to ask social services to do an assessment and be there when it happens else he'll tell them it's all fine.
I found social services here were better at persuading her to have help for two weeks and the carers were there until she went into a home

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome @Ed28 and @UncleRobert

I hope you both have applied for Attendance Allowance. This will help you financially to pay towards help.

Attendance Allowance

Attendance Allowance helps pay for your personal care if you've reached State Pension age and are disabled - rates, eligibility, apply, claim form AA1.

www.gov.uk

It also helps to get a carers assessment.

Support for carers | Care Information Scotland

If you care for someone, you may need support. Learn about the The Carers (Scotland) Act and how you can access services.

careinfoscotland.scot

Carer's assessment | Carers UK

www.carersuk.org

This support takes a while to organise so the sooner you apply the better.

 

[Ed28]

It sounds like he really needs carers. You need to ask social services to do an assessment and be there when it happens else he'll tell them it's all fine.
I found social services here were better at persuading her to have help for two weeks and the carers were there until she went into a home

Thanks for your observations. Yeah social services have offered him a home help twice a day to help him take his meds but he is refusing any help and they deem him to have capacity so I’m not sure I can do anything about that?

 

[Rayreadynow]

Hi,
My dad has had declining memory for several years and had recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s (likely vascular possibly mixed).
He now lives on his own in a flat owned by my half sister. Up until 4 months ago he was the main carer for his partner who was an alcoholic. She passed away 4 months ago and he moved back to his flat.

He is struggling with cooking meals for himself, eating regularly, admin and paperwork and delusions (about people being in his house and then leaving unexpectedly).

He has a heart condition and is not regularly taking his heart meds but tells everyone he is. He has been offered a home help but has refused. His doctor wants to see him regularly but he is refusing to go. I have a POA but for the moment the medical professions deem him to have capacity.

I feel he is getting by on ‘sound bites’ which he reels off to everyone but I know not to be true. Things like ‘I take my meds twice a day morning and night’. ‘I am always eating’.

He has this new obsession about turning off the new boiler. This is dangerous and could lead to a build up of toxic or flammable gas. He does this because he doesn’t want the heating on.

This is what I have done so far…
*my sister or myself see him 2-3 times per week
*we have set up delivery of blister packs for his meds
*I’ve taken him for a UTI tests (he refused to take the antibiotics)
*I used to take him food shopping and leave it in his fridge
*I’ve helped him to sort his banking passwords about 100 times (he keeps inputting random passwords)
*we supported him to get a new boiler fitted
*we had his flat vaped to kill mould spores

I work full time and I have a 2yo so I’m at a bit of a loss as to how to further help him when he is refusing all help.

Any advice would be appreciated. TIA

I would try carers ( trained in Alz or Dementia ) a couple of times a week, I would think the LA would have to pay if her doesn't own his home. Make sure you give the carers things they have to do. Try 5 days a week and leave the weekends free to begin with.

 

[canary]

Thanks for your observations. Yeah social services have offered him a home help twice a day to help him take his meds but he is refusing any help and they deem him to have capacity so I’m not sure I can do anything about that?

The same thing happened to mum and SS then closed her case. I tried getting carers in off my own back, but mum wouldnt let them over the threshold. Unfortunately, I had to wait for a crisis.
Its a worry, isnt it?

 

[wurrienot]

I've had this with my dad x he kept turning the boiler off which caused problems with the heating X I stuck rape over all the lights and controls so he can't see them X dad also refused any care but I got round it by saying the lady was doing some community service and had randomly picked him for a trial run so she could get some feedback X I cook all dad's food, portion it up and put it in microwavable containers which go in his freezer. Before that his " cooking" had become very limited and he often left the cooker turned on. I don't know if any of this will help you but I feel that the more tricks you have available, the more likely you are to get a good result x

 

[Rayreadynow]

Thanks for your observations. Yeah social services have offered him a home help twice a day to help him take his meds but he is refusing any help and they deem him to have capacity so I’m not sure I can do anything about that?

If you engage the care agency and they meet regular refusal to accept care then the SS will get back involved. The whole system is geared up to respond to crisis intervention unfortunately.

 

[Ed28]

If you engage the care agency and they meet regular refusal to accept care then the SS will get back involved. The whole system is geared up to respond to crisis intervention unfortunately.

Yeah that was the conclusion I came to too. Thanks for your help and advice.