Hello all,
I have joined this forum to try and find a way forward in helping my mother in law and her care. She was officially diagnosed with alzheimers and dementia just over a year ago. She hasn't been too bad until recently. We have managed. She has just been forgetful really. About two months ago she has started to decline. She often doesn't know who people are (more recent members of the family, such as myself and grand children). She phones my husband at work to ask why she is in this house (her house) and why people have stolen her furniture and put it there. She thinks her parents and aunt and long dead husband are alive. Her house is awful. She hides used teabags, lets food go well off, but won't let us near the fridge, getting very uspet and aggressive. She has refused help for a long time, getting annoyed that we suggested it. The idea of a care home terrifies her (her mother had dementia and ended up in a not very nice home, I believe). We set up LPA last year, and have now applied to activate it. My husband and sister in law are exhausted and upset with trying to cope. I often work away, and hubby is left with child and animal care too, often not being able to get away from his mum's until 9pm, then he has to muck out stables etc. Money is really tight so we can't even pay for cover for that at the moment.
We had a family chat, and decided that she would be better in a care home really. We looked at a couple and found one that is superb. MIL would self fund, so all good. Social services came two days ago, but MIL was superbly eloquent and the most normal she'd been for ages while the lady was there (reverting to not knowing where she was the minute the lady left the house), so the social worker wants her to stay in her own home. We also took her for a meeting with the manager who runs the care home, and again she was superbly normal, insisting that she wasn't going into care, then again once home she got all upset begging us not to leave her alone in the house.
What is the way forward when the dementia sufferer is relatively ok for part of the day, not wanting help, then completely changes mid afternoon into someone who is really the equivalent of a toddler? Even her GP noticed a huge change in her last week and said it was time to think of getting her safe in a home, but the GP has no power to help, it has to be social services!
So frustrating and worrying! Sorry for the essay!
I have joined this forum to try and find a way forward in helping my mother in law and her care. She was officially diagnosed with alzheimers and dementia just over a year ago. She hasn't been too bad until recently. We have managed. She has just been forgetful really. About two months ago she has started to decline. She often doesn't know who people are (more recent members of the family, such as myself and grand children). She phones my husband at work to ask why she is in this house (her house) and why people have stolen her furniture and put it there. She thinks her parents and aunt and long dead husband are alive. Her house is awful. She hides used teabags, lets food go well off, but won't let us near the fridge, getting very uspet and aggressive. She has refused help for a long time, getting annoyed that we suggested it. The idea of a care home terrifies her (her mother had dementia and ended up in a not very nice home, I believe). We set up LPA last year, and have now applied to activate it. My husband and sister in law are exhausted and upset with trying to cope. I often work away, and hubby is left with child and animal care too, often not being able to get away from his mum's until 9pm, then he has to muck out stables etc. Money is really tight so we can't even pay for cover for that at the moment.
We had a family chat, and decided that she would be better in a care home really. We looked at a couple and found one that is superb. MIL would self fund, so all good. Social services came two days ago, but MIL was superbly eloquent and the most normal she'd been for ages while the lady was there (reverting to not knowing where she was the minute the lady left the house), so the social worker wants her to stay in her own home. We also took her for a meeting with the manager who runs the care home, and again she was superbly normal, insisting that she wasn't going into care, then again once home she got all upset begging us not to leave her alone in the house.
What is the way forward when the dementia sufferer is relatively ok for part of the day, not wanting help, then completely changes mid afternoon into someone who is really the equivalent of a toddler? Even her GP noticed a huge change in her last week and said it was time to think of getting her safe in a home, but the GP has no power to help, it has to be social services!
So frustrating and worrying! Sorry for the essay!