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Have we turned a corner?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by dippydora, Feb 18, 2015.

  1. dippydora

    dippydora Registered User

    Apr 2, 2013
    69
    Lalaland
    On Saturday dads CH phoned me asking if I could please go to see him to try and calm him as he was kicking off. I wasn't keen as in the past I couldn't calm him, but I said I would go. I asked one of my sisters to help me. When we got there dad was kicking the front door trying to get out, swearing and shouting. They let us in a side door. We got dad to sit down, still near the front door (which was now locked off and all visitors had to enter and leave via side door). We had to physically hold dad down in the chair. Dad maybe 80 but he is still a very big strong man and I have torn muscles in both my shoulders restraining him! He was swearing and shouting at us, telling us to "go to hell", and "f*** off back home" and "don't ever come back I hate the lot of you". We tried the nice soft gentle approach at first, trying to calm him keeping him sat down. Twice he made a dash for the side door when we saw visitors leaving. He got out once and I had to physically push him back inside. There was a little boy there with his mam visiting and dad was shouting "don't go in there son they won't let you out, stay away, go home......I'm going to die in here". Poor little lad, we tried so hard to keep dad from shouting. In the end we shouted back at dad, told him we were not afraid of him anymore, we wouldn't stand for any more shouting or swearing. Treated dad like a naughty child who was having a tantrum. This went on for 1 and a half hours! Eventually dad decided to go upstairs to his room. We went with him and got him in his room. He went to a drawer and got his bag of marshmallows out and insisted we eat one, we did, then he told us to "hadaway to hell, go on, get lost", we left him. It was so upsetting, a really bad episode.

    I visited dad yesterday. I had the best ever visit! He was calm (drugged, yes, but to be honest we would rather have him like this than raving). Dad was lovely, we had a laugh, a cuddle and a lovely, if somewhat disjointed, conversation about nothing in particular. Have we turned a corner????? We certainly hope so.
     
  2. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    1,398
    Lancashire
    Oh poor you (& your sister) what a horrible visit/ordeal you went thru. Then a nice visit to follow, your head must be in a whirl!
     
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,713
    Female
    London
    I don't understand why the care home asked you for help. It isn't your job to deal with him, it's theirs! You pay them to look after him, not for them to bother you like that! If they can't handle him, they ought to find a home that can but it's completely unprofessional to stress you out like this. I would suggest to them that they rethink their strategies and that they are not to phone you again for something like this! What were they thinking?
     

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