Have Just Come Back

[David61]

Hello to you all, I have come back. My 88yr old mother has Dementia that has totally torn me apart as I thought I could handle it so stopped using this forum, since the virus struck and other family issues my mental health took a bad turn that I just pushed down. My mother who has three carers everyday had started to have some falls in her flat and was taken to hospital then last week I could not get in mum's flat as I heard her calling out for me which ripped my heart out I along with paramedics and a stranger managed to get into her flat and she is back in hospital. Along with other people who is going through this I really do struggle as I look at mum and think WHY. I have just started to get the help I need as I know I need it and thought I'd sign back in. So hello from me David who feels totally lost.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @David, I'm so sorry you are feeling totally lost, but you know you are in the right place to get some support and advice. Even if you just want to off-load about how you feel, we're here to listen.
How's your mother doing in hospital. I guess Covid restrictions mean you are not maybe visiting as much as you'd like, which makes things feel worse, but at least she is safe and getting the care she needs.
It does sound like the time has come where your mother would be better in a care home. I know that is something that you might not want to happen, but it does sound as though she is now longer safe at home.
I'm sure others who have been in a similar situation will be along with their advice shortly.

 

[David61]

Hi @David, I'm so sorry you are feeling totally lost, but you know you are in the right place to get some support and advice. Even if you just want to off-load about how you feel, we're here to listen.
How's your mother doing in hospital. I guess Covid restrictions mean you are not maybe visiting as much as you'd like, which makes things feel worse, but at least she is safe and getting the care she needs.
It does sound like the time has come where your mother would be better in a care home. I know that is something that you might not want to happen, but it does sound as though she is now longer safe at home.
I'm sure others who have been in a similar situation will be along with their advice shortly.

Thank you, Mum is doing ok at the moment and I have a lot of people helping me in that even her mental health team have been great, but during the virus I have sadly had to say goodbye to loved ones and then not being able to go and pay my respects because I had to stay in doors for so long totally ripped me apart and my own mental health had got a bad grip of me, but my doctor has now given me some anti depressants to try and help. I know I will never have my mother back how it was when I was growing up, but it is so hard for me to understand and see Mum change. Sorry if I'm just rumbling on.

 

[nae sporran]

Hullo and welcome back to the forum, David. As a fellow sufferer from mental health problems made worse by caring for my partner I know something of what you are going through. Good to read that you are getting some help and feel able to join us again. How awful that your mother is in hospital with everything else going on. Do they still have their own social work teams to help you decide what to do about care when she recovers.
I find the carers support centre dementia carers group to be helpful and they have been meeting over zoom. The Mental Health Mates walking and zoom group have been a lifeline over the lockdown. Those may not suit you, but I thought I'd mention them.

 

[David61]

Hullo and welcome back to the forum, David. As a fellow sufferer from mental health problems made worse by caring for my partner I know something of what you are going through. Good to read that you are getting some help and feel able to join us again. How awful that your mother is in hospital with everything else going on. Do they still have their own social work teams to help you decide what to do about care when she recovers.
I find the carers support centre dementia carers group to be helpful and they have been meeting over zoom. The Mental Health Mates walking and zoom group have been a lifeline over the lockdown. Those may not suit you, but I thought I'd mention them.

Thank you, yes my mother has a lot of people trying to help her as she has three carers everyday and when they say Anne shall we do this today Mum always says maybe tomorrow. What really hurt me beyond words was when I went over to Mum's and could not get in and hearing her calling me for help was horrible, and then I went outside crying while phoning 999 a totally stranger got out of his van and then came and helped the paramedics and myself get into Mum's, as she had sadly rolled and fell out of bed. I had to get help for myself as this last two years I have just pushed all my feelings aside until it came to a head last week. Yes it is all so very hard to understand but I am trying now.