Thinking of you all and knowing what you are going through.................xx
hi
we have a meeting next week with dad's GP.
thanks again for all your replies
Dear Sammie and all,
I am heartbroken to hear of your distress and understand how awful it is to want what is best for your family yet to feel guilty at voicing your thoughts.
I haven't been on here for quite a while but intended to do so as this site is invaluable if carers are to stay sane. I was so grateful for the information because it is just so difficult to accept that a parent will not improve and there is always that silent prayer that the professionals have made a mistake and things just maybe will improve?
On the better days my family felt that my Mum wasn't that ill - if you know what I mean and then hours later back to being so very confused. It is only natural that acceptance comes with time and the inevitable is eventually accepted.
You must talk to those who can help and advise as much as possible and voice your concerns over and over again. I am glad we did.
I'll condense what has happened in the past year.
My 84 Mum fell a year last December, was admitted to hospital, diagnosed with vascular dementure and 3 months later went into a care home. Not much help from the Social worker - we just felt that as Mum was bed-blocking she wanted her out of the hospital asap. We found a home nearby, sold Mum's house to fund care and she went to the home. They loved her but we just were not happy. She lost even more weight (was only 6 stone going there) and wanted to come home. We fought to get her home as we felt she was not being cared for sufficiently and despite voicing our concerns that she was not eating the GP said she was on a list for a scan of her abdomen - nothing happened. We visted every day and fought to get her home. I thank God that my sister gave as good as she got and we brought her home at the beginning of June.
She just could not eat, stopped enjoying her cuppa and developed an infection. When she was in hospital we demanded her scan be done as she could keep no food down. The scan revealed advanced lung cancer and we were devastated and heartbroken.
New fears were how on earth would we cope and how would our darling mother end her days - in agony or in peace at home with us? Mum came home (was doubly incontinent) to my dear sister's house and died on Sept 3rd peacefully - she just went to sleep.
I shed tears as I write this but wanted you all to know that you know your family best of all and if you know what your Mum would want you fight for it.
What if my sister hadn't fought so hard to fetch Mum home? That question haunts us because she would have died in her little room in the care home and we never would have known about the cancer. We had a chance to care for her and love her to bits!
We all know our parents and when the roles are reversed it is ok for us to voice what we know is right. Although I thought I was ready to let Mum go can I just say that was not true - the shock was just as bad as when my darling Dad died suddenly nearly 8 years ago of a heart attack. All we would all wish for our loved ones is that the end is peacefull and that we can be there to show our love right until the very end - like they did for us throughout our lives................
Bless you all and I hope that your beloved ones have the dignified end that they deserve - with their loved ones and totaly free of pain. I hope the GP appt goes well for you Sammie.
Much love and my heartfelt concern to you all.
Chris.
xx