1. Jackie

    Jackie Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    61
    Hi,

    My mum lives in Devon and I saw her over xmas and she no longer has any idea who I am.

    This is making the 400 mile round trip to see her even harder and I am getting to the point where I am beginning to wonder if its worth while!

    I mean what is the point of making a 4 hour drive to see her for a just couple of hours, without her even knowing who I am as it makes no difference to her day! I then have to make another 4 hour drive to go home!

    If I am really honest I only go now just to ease my own conscience.......

    Is it only me that feels this way ????
     
  2. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    12,413
    near London
    My situation is different as my wife is an Early Onset patient, resident in a care home for the past two years. I visit her six days a week for around one hour, and my daily journey from my home -> work -> care home -> my home is around 160 miles. My wife no longer knows me and I am unsure even if she can see now. She can't talk in a way that I can understand and she can't walk - and is rapidly losing the ability to crawl.
    I have always followed the line that while there is even the slightest possibility that she may somehow know I am with her - even if she can't show it [perhaps especially because she can't show it], then I will be there for her. I talk to her as if she is as she was before the condition took hold, and I am frequently hugely surprised, and rewarded, by an indication out of the blue that we have established some form of communication. That makes the whole thing worthwhile.
    I can't say I would have been able to do that for my mother though.
    At the end of the day you must follow your own feelings, and no-one can criticise that, whichever way you go.
     
  3. monty_03

    monty_03 Registered User

    Feb 1, 2004
    7
    Middlesex
    I'm 12 years old.


    When i was 6 my grandma was diagnosed with Alzheimers I didn't quite understand what my mum was talking about when she described this "thing"
    My mum described it to me as a sunflower.. When grandma was a baby she grew up and had lots of seeds in the middle of her flower just like me..this was her memory..Then slowly over the years she began to forget things..All grandmas seeds were dissappearing...Grandma would soon be forgetting her family. Then Grandma couldn't remember my name and when i spoke to her she wouldn't reply and when she did none of her words would make sense.

    Then Grandma went into a nursing home. I was scared i wen to see her everyday after school and eventually got used to it. Managers of the home came and then went. The place was deteriating, So was grandma. Grandma broke both her hips. She went into hospital and when she ready to go back to the Nursing home, She had got even worse!


    7 years later i would never have thought my dear grandma would be struggling along. She cant walk, Talk and she can barely eat, carers sit around the table to feed her! It's awful. I no many of you are going through the same things.
    I hate to think what Grandma would be like now, but i cant imagine her any other way. If only i could turn back the years and medication was available for her then.


    That's the story of my dear grandma.
    Physically she's here...Mentally she's dead.
     
  4. monty_03

    monty_03 Registered User

    Feb 1, 2004
    7
    Middlesex
    My mum goes to see my grandma every week this is only a one hour drive... But if anything was to happen and she didn't see her mum she wouldn't be able to forgive herself. I think you are doing the right thing. Can't you being your mother nearer to home?
     
  5. Tara

    Tara Registered User

    Feb 9, 2004
    10
    North Lincolnshire
    Hi, ive just become a member and i'd just like to say that my mum has A.D. She's had this cruel disease for about 10 odd yrs now. My mum went into a nursing home Jan 03. we've always been very close and it hurts so much to see my mum like this, there are times when i don't want to visit her(i dread it) but once i'm in there 9 times out of 10 its ok. I feel it's my duty to see her, after all she brought me up and was always there for me, so i should be there for her. I miss her lots tho.
     
  6. Jackie

    Jackie Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    61
    Thank you

    Thank you to everyone that replied some on the board and some private, a mixed reaction, which I expected really, as at the end of the day we are all dealing with raw emotions.

    At the moment I am feeling totally physically and mentally drained, part of which is to do with the ever delightful Social Services financially assessing my mums care since Nov 03 with endless letters back and forth and back again, copies of everything spent dating back to Apr 03 and finally last week she was re-assessed to pay 0.54p per week less.......yep 54 pence yep really - you really couldn't make it up!!!!

    So I am giving myself a break and finding some 'me' time and spending time with my family............however the fight with my conscience about having a break is still a daily battle!!!!!!!
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.