I cared for my mum who has AZ for 3 years and the last few months things became harder and harder. She had delirium and it was awful. I had to give in after trying my hardest not to put her in a CH but I finally had to do this a few weeks ago.
She had a fall on Wednesday and broke her hip and now also has a chest infection.
She is so frail and weak I can't see how she can fight this as she has other conditions too. The doctor says it can go either way but it sounded like she doesn't think she will make it.
I keep thinking that if I had just kept her here it might not have happened.
The thing is it was getting to a point where I had to put myself first.
My head knows I did what I had to do but my heart tries to tell me different.
I am almost certain my mum won't recover from this as she is 92 and very weak.
I think, in time, I will forgive myself but it is all very raw at the moment. I feel almost like my mum is MY child and I just want to take her away from there and protect her.
I just can't bring myself to go in to see her, I know it will make my feelings of guilt much worse and will upset me terribly. (I suffer from depression) I already feel as though I am grieving. My daughter and my brother have been in to see her and were shocked at how bad she is. She can't eat or drink so her lips have dried up and look 'scabby'. She has an oxygen tube up her nose which she keeps trying to pull out and she did pull out the tube which was put in to feed her intravenously. She also has fibrosis of the lungs and so has difficulty breathing. She drifts in and out of consciousness and didn't recognise my daughter or even my brother, he had to tell her who he was. (She often didn't realise I was her daughter when she was with me and thought I was just a carer and that she was in a care home)
I just don't know what to do, I feel guilty if I don't go in to see her but I KNOW it will totally freak me out and possibly tip me over the edge. If I go in she prob won't know me and will forget I'd been there.
Has anyone else had anything like this happen to them?
Sorry it's such a long post but it's a huge dilemma.
She had a fall on Wednesday and broke her hip and now also has a chest infection.
She is so frail and weak I can't see how she can fight this as she has other conditions too. The doctor says it can go either way but it sounded like she doesn't think she will make it.
I keep thinking that if I had just kept her here it might not have happened.
The thing is it was getting to a point where I had to put myself first.
My head knows I did what I had to do but my heart tries to tell me different.
I am almost certain my mum won't recover from this as she is 92 and very weak.
I think, in time, I will forgive myself but it is all very raw at the moment. I feel almost like my mum is MY child and I just want to take her away from there and protect her.
I just can't bring myself to go in to see her, I know it will make my feelings of guilt much worse and will upset me terribly. (I suffer from depression) I already feel as though I am grieving. My daughter and my brother have been in to see her and were shocked at how bad she is. She can't eat or drink so her lips have dried up and look 'scabby'. She has an oxygen tube up her nose which she keeps trying to pull out and she did pull out the tube which was put in to feed her intravenously. She also has fibrosis of the lungs and so has difficulty breathing. She drifts in and out of consciousness and didn't recognise my daughter or even my brother, he had to tell her who he was. (She often didn't realise I was her daughter when she was with me and thought I was just a carer and that she was in a care home)
I just don't know what to do, I feel guilty if I don't go in to see her but I KNOW it will totally freak me out and possibly tip me over the edge. If I go in she prob won't know me and will forget I'd been there.
Has anyone else had anything like this happen to them?
Sorry it's such a long post but it's a huge dilemma.