Had enough

[Saddy]

Husband has Alzheimers. His condition has deteriorated greatly during the last few months. I have health issues too and feel I can’t stand much more. Social worker says he cannot be put in care if he doesn’t want to? He goes to a day centre twice a week but not much of a break with getting him ready driving him and picking up about 3.20 pm
I seem to be up and down all day. And just had flu. I would go for half hour lie down but he always woke me up after 10 mins. Now he has lost TV box. He went upstairs and came back with toothpaste. I am feeling like walking out and saying I have left him it is affecting my health.

 

[MountainMan18]

Hi, sorry to hear this. It sounds awful and you have my sympathy. If the social worker says "he cannot be put in care if he doesn’t want to". How do you feel about saying "he doesn't have mental capacity to make the decision"?

Also do you have LPA?

 

[Saddy]

Hi, sorry to hear this. It sounds awful and you have my sympathy. If the social worker says "he cannot be put in care if he doesn’t want to". How do you feel about saying "he doesn't have mental capacity to make the decision"?

Also do you have LPA?

Yes I have LPA. I have a care package which allows me 6 weeks respite care pa. I have asked for 2 weeks in Feb as I have 2 hospital appointments. Not safe to leave him alone and if I take him with me he wanders off. Still not been confirmed.
I am also worried that he may refuse to go what would happen. I have also told them I am looking at long term care. He cannot remember where the bathroom is sometimes.

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @Saddy, I'm sorry to read that you are at a stage I reached some 14-15 months ago.

I agree with @MountainMan18. Query the issue of capacity - I don't think a SW can make that call, not least because they have a conflict of interest by needing to keep their costs down.

I got very little help from SS(like you I found day care more stressful than helpful as mine ended at 2:30). In the end, my wife was sectioned and her hospital doctor, as recently as Monday, told me that she was sending copies of legal documents to me because, although she had given the originals to my wife, she knew that my wife wouldn't understand them.

I wonder if you have contact with a memory clinic or GP that might assist.

I wish you strength.

 

[silkiest]

Hi @Saddy, I had a "social worker" telling me that if my mum didn't want to go into respite I could not make her. I had a lot of discussions with my Admiral nurse as she is very aware of the situation. She pressed for a re assessment. It turned out that the first person was an assistant social worker . When the actual social worker arrived to assess capacity she deemed mum not to have capacity re this situation and that I was able to arrange respite in my parents best interest. It seems nowadays you have to become a thorn in their sides to get anything done unfortunately.

 

[Grannie G]

When my husband was at home and I had no break I was granted direct payments which enabled me to arrange care at home to suit our needs.

Direct payments - what are they

Direct payments for social care services - overview.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk

 

[Saddy]

Hello @Saddy, I'm sorry to read that you are at a stage I reached some 14-15 months ago.

I agree with @MountainMan18. Query the issue of capacity - I don't think a SW can make that call, not least because they have a conflict of interest by needing to keep their costs down.

I got very little help from SS(like you I found day care more stressful than helpful as mine ended at 2:30). In the end, my wife was sectioned and her hospital doctor, as recently as Monday, told me that she was sending copies of legal documents to me because, although she had given the originals to my wife, she knew that my wife wouldn't understand them.

I wonder if you have contact with a memory clinic or GP that might assist.

I wish you strength.

Thank you, have been reading your other post. He was diagnosed about 2 years ago with moderate Alzheimers. Had his first memory assessment in 2017. Has had a link social worker for about 9 months but she left and he has not been assigned another. They got a panic button installed. Also under care of NHS Elderly people’s mental health and dementia. He is Mr nice guy when they come round. He doesn’t even watch TV now stares at screen 10 mins then wanders around .
Just message on here to say I can’t link as haven’t done ten posts?