sparrow10
At last, someone I can identify with,someone who feels the same as I do. My mother has been displaying all the signs of Age Related Dementiae for 8 years, symptoms started to show at the same time as I was caring for my father who had Vascular Dementia, and passed within a year of diagnosis. Mum refuses to see a Dr, so I have never had a proper diagnosis, but our old family Dr intimated that this was probably the cause of her short term memory problems and anxiety. It was decided then, by him that a proper diagnosis would be detrimental to her and only aggravate the anxiety. I agree to a certain extent, but for me a proper assessment would put my mind at rest, that I am doing the correct things for her. For instance, she was living in her own home, but not keeping the house clean, feeding herself properly or changing clothes regularly. Managed to drive her car, but got herself lost on a few occasions going to her local supermarket (a trip done for last 28 years). My husband and I lived close by, but had wanted to move since he had taken early retirement and I felt that as the distance would be over 1 hour from her it would be better for her to move with us to an annexe, so that I could make sure she was managing OK.
It has been a year since the move and she has declined some more even the simplest of tasks she finds difficult. I feel she is not happy and resents the move although she has never been pressured in to it just given the opportunity to come with us. She shows me no affection and when I try to comfort her when she is anxious and upset about things. There is no response and she just shrugs her shoulders. Nothing my husband or I do seems help her and her "depressed" attitude is like a black cloud whenever she is with us.
After my long rant the crux of my post is...I feel so guilty....at her feeling like this, because it was my idea for her to leave her home and come to us and although I think she realises she could not cope on her own, she cannot get over the fact that we moved away and therefore she could not continue to remain on her own. In the last few years I have had to take over all her financial matters, appointment making for dentist, chiropodist, hairdresser, homehelp, shopping lists and arranging meal deliveries etc. otherwise nothing gets done and she sits and reads all day. Other than the Church Club, which is once a week, anything else I have tried to arrange for her and gone with her to have been decline as "not my sort of people or thing" I don't mind in the least doing these things and do them quite happily, but what ever I do never seems to be right!!
Now I feel better for getting that off my shoilders.....until the next time...Thankyou everybody for listening. And as to the thread that began all this...hang on in there, I identify with you...you are not alone, I expect there are many of us out there feeling the same.
Sparrow10