Grumpy OH

[margherita]

Hi margherita we certainly have to hope it will be good. Oh that's not a good start hope all goes well & she returns. I know they like children following about. At least I can get out on my own as OH doesn't get up early. It is sad margherita but we can't help feeling the way we do can we. If our relationships in the past had been happier this wouldn't be the case , but you can't change what's gone before us. I hope all works out for you with your cleaning lady & hopefully you can get away for some well deserved me time. You take care & speak soon.

Hi @Beads ,
How are you doing?
The cleaning lady is back and I am glad I have not lost her support. At the moment she only cleans the house, but I hope I can rely on her, should I need or like to go away. It is too early, but her presence might be a step forward.

 

[margherita]

Hi @MIA56 ,
are you still busy with moving in /out?
How are you coping with your husband and all the rest?

 

[margherita]

Hi @longlostfan ,
I am thinking of you and your much longed-for working Saturday.
Hope you are enjoying it.

 

[Beads]

Hi @Beads ,
How are you doing?
The cleaning lady is back and I am glad I have not lost her support. At the moment she only cleans the house, but I hope I can rely on her, should I need or like to go away. It is too early, but her presence might be a step forward.

@margherita thats great news , so glad she is back. Yes it is early days but I do hope soon she might see to OH while you can take a well deserved break. Take care hope you have a peaceful weekend.

 

[longlostfan]

@Beads,@margherita, and @everyone on this thread!

Hope you are all well and coping with your Grumpy OH’s. I’ve had a week or so of feeling sorry for mine but also resentful and I’m sure you will all understand this. Well he doesn’t have DVT after having the scan, which is good but apparently the blood test was positive because of what he does have, which is a Bakers cyst (never heard of this and he’s never been a baker - actually he used to be an HGV driver but I digress). Think it’s actually named after the doc who “discovered” the condition. Anyway it’s still very painful and he can’t walk without difficulty or wash or dress himself without my assistance. However I did go to work yesterday, which was great, and my daughter took him out and he spent most of the time telling her there was nothing wrong (!) Tho of course she had great difficulty getting him in and out of the car and then getting him to walk to the cafe in the garden centre etc but at least he came home in a better mood. Have to say that I sometimes wonder why on earth I put up with it all, all right, there’s not really an alternative but still.

And although my son did write that thoughtful poem he and my daughter both remember how their dad always put himself first when they were younger........ it’s these things that make our lives now even more difficult. I suppose we just have to grab good moments whenever we can, like seeing friends etc and getting out for walks - Sometimes both me and my kids resort to some rather dark humour, probably best not to mention......
Hope you are all getting through the week. Love to all of you.

 

[Beads]

@Beads,@margherita, and @everyone on this thread!

Hope you are all well and coping with your Grumpy OH’s. I’ve had a week or so of feeling sorry for mine but also resentful and I’m sure you will all understand this. Well he doesn’t have DVT after having the scan, which is good but apparently the blood test was positive because of what he does have, which is a Bakers cyst (never heard of this and he’s never been a baker - actually he used to be an HGV driver but I digress). Think it’s actually named after the doc who “discovered” the condition. Anyway it’s still very painful and he can’t walk without difficulty or wash or dress himself without my assistance. However I did go to work yesterday, which was great, and my daughter took him out and he spent most of the time telling her there was nothing wrong (!) Tho of course she had great difficulty getting him in and out of the car and then getting him to walk to the cafe in the garden centre etc but at least he came home in a better mood. Have to say that I sometimes wonder why on earth I put up with it all, all right, there’s not really an alternative but still.

And although my son did write that thoughtful poem he and my daughter both remember how their dad always put himself first when they were younger........ it’s these things that make our lives now even more difficult. I suppose we just have to grab good moments whenever we can, like seeing friends etc and getting out for walks - Sometimes both me and my kids resort to some rather dark humour, probably best not to mention......
Hope you are all getting through the week. Love to all of you.

Hi longlostfan hope your well. Ye we all go through different emotions, I myself can change with the wind. So glad he hasn't DvT like yourself I've never heard of that. So can it be treated with medication, what I mean is will he get better from this. They always say they ok when really we know different & as your daughter will also know on taking him out. Good that he arrived home in better mood. I'm pleased you got to work I bet u felt a lot different just being away from it all for a few hours. I also think like you why do we put up with it, but if we didn't no one else would. My OH has family from his first marriage he's lucky if he sees his daughter once a year. Or do I mean unlucky as she is a pain in the you know what. His son he sees him a few times a year. Our own two think very much along the lines of yours. So it's all up to us as I've said before purely out of sense of duty. Sad but true. Well my friend rang this morning would I go down & help her decorate her Xmas tree. So I've been down there 3 hours. Enjoyed it though we had a laugh & few coffees, brilliant. She called at mine yesterday & I had my tree up only up this early as we all going away 28th December for a week to Lanzarote so will b down straight after Xmas. Hope this holiday turns out ok & OH is ok while we away. Depending on how it goes this could be the last one abroad for him. He insists he doesn't need wheelchair at airport so I'm just going along with it. Must try & start on bathroom tomorrow, I'm easily swayed. Ha ha. Whoops just remembered we at Warfarin tomorrow. Well I hope you having a good week. Speak soon take care. Xx

 

[margherita]

Hi everybody,
I haven't written for some days, but thought of all of you.
Two days ago I was not well. I had a severe pain in my left knee. I took a painkiller which helped with the pain, but made me feel unwell ( shivers, nausea, cold sweat).I had to stay in bed all day, except for when I dragged myself to the kitchen to get my OH's meals ready.
He did not seem to realize I was unwell and limping.
Instead, he said he was worried ("what shall we do if you are ill, too?")
He was obviously worried about himself.
As selfish as usual. It is not his disease. He was the same also before, but when his brain still worked well, he managed not to show what he was like.

 

[Peachez]

Hi everybody,
I haven't written for some days, but thought of all of you.
Two days ago I was not well. I had a severe pain in my left knee. I took a painkiller which helped with the pain, but made me feel unwell ( shivers, nausea, cold sweat).I had to stay in bed all day, except for when I dragged myself to the kitchen to get my OH's meals ready.
He did not seem to realize I was unwell and limping.
Instead, he said he was worried ("what shall we do if you are ill, too?")
He was obviously worried about himself.
As selfish as usual. It is not his disease. He was the same also before, but when his brain still worked well, he managed not to show what he was like.

Like himself, but more? I think their filters just get holes in and empathy flies out.... what was your reply to his question... I have a new quip that is getting used quite a bit lately, "what did your last slave die of...? "
What have you done to your knee? Sounds painful. Hope you can find a painkiller that suits you better.

 

[margherita]

Like himself, but more? I think their filters just get holes in and empathy flies out.... what was your reply to his question... I have a new quip that is getting used quite a bit lately, "what did your last slave die of...? "
What have you done to your knee? Sounds painful. Hope you can find a painkiller that suits you better.

I did not anwer . It would have been useless. How can I have an argument with someone who does not reason properly? Also in arguments logical faculties are required. I did not utter a word but I thought to myself that one day I'll get him for all.

My knee is better, so my husband has his slave back..
I think I twisted it helping him to move some heavy vases from the garden to a sheltered place. He was afraid frost might damage his plants, which he loves and cares for so much. The love and care he lacks are those for human beings, that is me, since there are only the two of us here.

 

[Beads]

Hi @MIA56 @margherita @longlostfan & all, hope you all well & life is treating you ok. Have been really busy of late with decorating & the usual everyday jobs. Nevertheless I have still been logging on & reading posts. Glad to hear your knee is lots better margherita. I know what you mean our OH haven't got the reason/caring gene. As you say it's not because of dementia it's always been the case. Still we survive we have no choice do we. Nice of your OH to think about himself never mind asking how you are feeling & can he for once do something for you instead . It makes my blood boil , it's like they are oblivious to our needs yet soon speak up when they want something. Its all me me me, like selfish kids, mind you kids aren't even that bad. Keep smiling we have no choice. @MIA56 how r u & OH I hope you can see an end to all of your hard work. I know you must be overstretched otherwise you would have been putting the odd post up. is it December you move, did you manage to get J furniture shopping , hope he has improved a bit. Hope you have time for quick post just to say hi & all ok. Speak soon. @longlostfan hows tricks @ your end , hope you all well. Did you have your freedom Saturday I hope so. Is OH any better with his bakers condition. It's absolutely freezing here I am not doing much today apart from hugging the fire. Never stopped working all weekend so chill out today. Well I think that's about it from me folks hope you all have a peaceful evening take care & speak soon. Xx

 

[longlostfan]

Hi @MIA56 @margherita @longlostfan & all, hope you all well & life is treating you ok. Have been really busy of late with decorating & the usual everyday jobs. Nevertheless I have still been logging on & reading posts. Glad to hear your knee is lots better margherita. I know what you mean our OH haven't got the reason/caring gene. As you say it's not because of dementia it's always been the case. Still we survive we have no choice do we. Nice of your OH to think about himself never mind asking how you are feeling & can he for once do something for you instead . It makes my blood boil , it's like they are oblivious to our needs yet soon speak up when they want something. Its all me me me, like selfish kids, mind you kids aren't even that bad. Keep smiling we have no choice. @MIA56 how r u & OH I hope you can see an end to all of your hard work. I know you must be overstretched otherwise you would have been putting the odd post up. is it December you move, did you manage to get J furniture shopping , hope he has improved a bit. Hope you have time for quick post just to say hi & all ok. Speak soon. @longlostfan hows tricks @ your end , hope you all well. Did you have your freedom Saturday I hope so. Is OH any better with his bakers condition. It's absolutely freezing here I am not doing much today apart from hugging the fire. Never stopped working all weekend so chill out today. Well I think that's about it from me folks hope you all have a peaceful evening take care & speak soon. Xx

Hi Beads and also @margherita, @MIA56 and all the other Grumpy OH Gang, well ladies I hope you are all well and keeping smiling/gritting teeth/ etc this week. Yes Beads thanks I had my usual escape on Sat which also happened to be R’s 78th birthday. I got him a very appropriate card which had a picture of a man lying on a sofa, tv remote and cuppa on hand, with the words “happy birthday to the man who has everything” on the front, and inside........ “from the woman who spends a lot of time finding it for him”, - which I thought just about says it for me and the rest of us don’t you think? Anyway I have felt a bit under the weather the last few days, nasty cold etc so it’s been quick rather than nutritious meals. His leg is still painful and it’s been pretty cold so he hasn’t wanted to go out, been in bed a lot........ it feels a bit dreary. You sound like you’ve had a busy weekend with your decorating, well done you. I did have a trip to the tip with my son a few days ago to get rid of some stuff - well you’ve got to grab the excitement whist you can(!) and we stayed out for a bit and had a KFC . Poor bloke feels he’s come back to a madhouse. It’s a shame really that my kids don’t have that many memories of my OH being involved in their doings when they were younger, but they wrote nice messages in their birthday cards to him. Anyway as we all have to do, carry on regardless and enjoy the times with our children, pets and friends when we can. Love to you all xx

 

[margherita]

Hi all of you,
in Italy we say " no news, good news".
So, I should be allowed to think you are well..or, at least, not too bad.
It has been snowing for a couple of hours, the first snowfall of the season.
Last winter we had to wait until February 28th.
Will it be a white Christmas?

 

[PalSal]

Hi all of you,
in Italy we say " no news, good news".
So, I should be allowed to think you are well..or, at least, not too bad.
It has been snowing for a couple of hours, the first snowfall of the season.
Last winter we had to wait until February 28th.
Will it be a white Christmas?

I hope so Margherita....we have had a little snow this week only flurries nothing stayed....I'm dreaming

 

[Amethyst59]

Morning all! I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. I can almost hear music. Do you think it might make a decent song?

 

[margherita]

Hi everyone,
I wish I could have a peaceful Christmas, which means:
NO unpleasant people around (my husband's son has never visited at Christmas over the past 17 years and hope he won't start now)
NO arguments with my husband. I'll try to be patient and compassionate. Very hard job
NOT too much food. I remember those Christmas days when I went to bed with full tummy and empty heart
NO presents. We all have more than we need.
NO sad memories
NO thoughts about the future..

I think you can go on with the list, if you feel like it.

 

[Beads]

Hi Beads and also @margherita, @MIA56 and all the other Grumpy OH Gang, well ladies I hope you are all well and keeping smiling/gritting teeth/ etc this week. Yes Beads thanks I had my usual escape on Sat which also happened to be R’s 78th birthday. I got him a very appropriate card which had a picture of a man lying on a sofa, tv remote and cuppa on hand, with the words “happy birthday to the man who has everything” on the front, and inside........ “from the woman who spends a lot of time finding it for him”, - which I thought just about says it for me and the rest of us don’t you think? Anyway I have felt a bit under the weather the last few days, nasty cold etc so it’s been quick rather than nutritious meals. His leg is still painful and it’s been pretty cold so he hasn’t wanted to go out, been in bed a lot........ it feels a bit dreary. You sound like you’ve had a busy weekend with your decorating, well done you. I did have a trip to the tip with my son a few days ago to get rid of some stuff - well you’ve got to grab the excitement whist you can(!) and we stayed out for a bit and had a KFC . Poor bloke feels he’s come back to a madhouse. It’s a shame really that my kids don’t have that many memories of my OH being involved in their doings when they were younger, but they wrote nice messages in their birthday cards to him. Anyway as we all have to do, carry on regardless and enjoy the times with our children, pets and friends when we can. Love to you all xx

Hi longlostfan hope you well & enjoying your day at work away from it all. Sounds good the appropriate card your so right for the woman that provides everything. Sorry to hear R leg is still painful yeah the cold weather doesn't help either. Hope you over your cold & loads better. Ye such little things like going to KFC can bring joy to our day I know the feeling well. Snap my kids are exactly the same . i find happiness also being with my children friends & walking . Was getting all my family Xmas cards yesterday & choosing one for OH had to keep putting them back as the verses were just not appropriate. Just plain will do can't put there ❤️ what isn't there. All family here yesterday after work OH never showed face sat in kitchen for 6hours in grump. Snapping at me so I just let him get on. Sick of trying just a waste of time. I have now decided my Xmas break abroad is gonna be just me & the family. After family discussion yesterday they all agree I would be stressed to hell taking him abroad. He can't walk far & wont hear of wheelchair assistance , he always got ratty when going through security,so if he kicked off doesn't bare thinking about. Then transfers different surroundings not been able to leave him for long in case he gets lost . Oh I could go on forever you all know what I mean. It took our son yesterday to make me realise it's just not doable & not a holiday for me just more stress. So now our son is going to see to him while I'm away for the week . He said Mam you getting stressed out just talking about it you go away & have a good time . The problem now is how do I tell OH that he is not going. Not sure if he even remembers we were going away anyway, but nearer the time I will have to give some excuse why I'm going on own with daughter &family. Well that's my moan longlostfan speak soon take care & keep doing what brings joy into your life. Xxx

 

[Beads]

Hi everyone,
I wish I could have a peaceful Christmas, which means:
NO unpleasant people around (my husband's son has never visited at Christmas over the past 17 years and hope he won't start now)
NO arguments with my husband. I'll try to be patient and compassionate. Very hard job
NOT too much food. I remember those Christmas days when I went to bed with full tummy and empty heart
NO presents. We all have more than we need.
NO sad memories
NO thoughts about the future..

I think you can go on with the list, if you feel like it.

Hi margherita hope you keeping well . That's a long list of NO's. Hope they all are realised. Yes we also have has snow & it's been really cold .Definetley feels like Xmas. Today it's slightly milder. How's OH still like most of us on here GRUMPY. Have you not managed to get anytime away to go home to Milan or do Xmas shopping. I still have lots of things to buy yet . Will soon do it though. Well hope your day is going well & that you have a peaceful weekend speak soon .x

 

[Beads]

Hi MIA56 hope u & J r both ok & you not too knackered from all your packing etc. Has J had his hospital app through yet for his diabetes. I am just about finished decorating & so glad . I've gone from one room to another. OH is his normal grumpy self just speaking when forced too. All family here yesterday after work & he never bothered to join in he just sat in kitchen looking at newspapers for hours on end. When I was setting them all home I could see through the window he was away back upstairs. It's great isn't it what an existence. I have now decided I would be stressed to hell taking him abroad. He can't walk far & wont hear of wheelchair assistance , he always got ratty when going through security,so if he kicked off doesn't bare thinking about. Then transfers different surroundings not been able to leave him for long in case he gets lost .. Oh I could go on forever you all know what I mean. It took our son yesterday to make me realise it's just not doable & not a holiday for me just more stress. So now our son is going to see to him while I'm away for the week . He said Mam you getting stressed out just talking about it you go away & have a good time . The problem now is how do I tell OH that he is not going. Not sure if he even remembers we were going away anyway. How do I tell him after talking it over with family , as he is so unreasonable & get really annoyed. Oh the joys of life is just cack at the moment. Hope to hear from you MIA56 even if it's just hi to know you ok. Xx

 

[Beads]

OH MIA56 bless you. Please take care of yourself I know you will have lots to do but there is always another day. Sending hugs your way. Take care speak soon. Xx

 

[margherita]

Hi @MIA56
I am so glad to hear from you .
Looking forward to the full update you have promised.
A big hug!