Nener say Never
Icare2,
In the very begining I uttered those words, "I'll never put you away". It's somthing I'll never forget and it came back to haunt me.
My wife Jean, was then able to walk and talk, I told her we were going to a party, that was true. It was being held at the local Alzheimer's society, with tea, cakes, balloons etc.
To my surprise Jean refused to enter the building. When the lady in charge came out to invite us in, Jean was adamant, she was not going in. After a lot of coaxing we went around the back to sit in the garden and take tea.
We passed through the building to leave for home, outside: "What was all that about, I've never seen you so upset in all the years we've been together?"
The simple haunting answer, many of you will have heard:
"Your trying to put me away".
I felt crushed and deeply hurt, "I could not, nor would ever do that, how could I live without you, I'd be like a dog sitting on the lawn outside, lost without you"
So long as I live I'll recall that scene and the broken promise.
About seven years later I placed her in a NH. So I know the pain and devastation of having to part from a loved one when there's no other option. I'm not one to hug my children, but when it came to taking that action, I cried like a child and lifted my arm for comfort from our daughter.
My case I know is a one off, in that I got a second chance and now care for her alone, and I mean on my own. Even though we have moved into our fifth year since leaving the NH, each day is to be enjoyed. I always expect the unexpected but 'never say never' again.
My very best wishes to those who have reached that stage where the burden of caring has become intolerable and need to retain their sanity and health by easing the load but not the pain of placing their loved ones in a NH. God love ye all. Padraig