Further confusion


Registered User
Jun 1, 2004
Rochester, Kent
It has been a hard couple of weeks for the family since I first contacted the talking point.
The idea re coloured sweets for pills was a godsend.

My Dad has been getting worse rapidly now. We have had to remove all keys from doors but wherever he goes or is he tries different keys and locks doors, even locking Mum outside their house and then not realising that the ringing of the doorbell meant he had to answer it and let anyone in, nor the ringing of the phone.

We managed to get the offer of respite care two weeks ago and I felt very traumatised after leaving him there, lonely and not understanding why I was going without him. Two hours later after comforting Mum and telling her that all was well, I went to leave to go home to my family when on the driveway was my Dad. He told us that no-one wanted him there. We just took it in our stride that he'd returned home, walked the three miles up hill. Made him a cup of tea and chatted as if all was well.

No chance now of encouraging him to go back. He remembers those things very well.

At the moment my daughter has Dad staying with her to give Mum and me a rest but already she has had to phone me ‘cos he wants to leave her and 'go to work' - he thinks his wife is his Mum! He is a little calmer now since we've talked on the phone and told him that the clothes etc in the bag are his and that his daughter, me, has packed it for him.

The nurse at the care home suggested I ask for Dad to be re-assessed and for a stronger dose of medication to be administered as he is only taking 1 lorazapan at night and morning. Can any one give me an idea of what helps in the form of medication so that I am aware of what I can discuss when I take him to the assessment clinic on Tuesday 15th June?

Thank you for listening.

Regards to you all and much love and comfort sent from our family to you and yours.


Registered User
Aug 18, 2003
east sussex
Dear Lesley
Although it seems a life time ago since my dad was at this stage, i can assure i don't forget it.
Medication - it seems to work for a while and then it wears off as they ajust to it - really the CPN should be advising you if they are doing their job. We found that some combinations of medicine actually made dad worse - it all seems to be trial and error until they find the right amount/ combination.
Keys were an issue with Dad and we ended up leaviing one in his pocket so that he thought that he was secure - although one that did not open/ lock any doors. When he questioned it we would say that the lock was jammed and we would oil it later - this worked most times.
Take care of yourselves, become adept at making up on the spot answers - you will be amazed with what you come up with and most tmes they work. Keep smiling, even when things get difficult.


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Initially I found the need to distract Jan by creating stories, 'lying', etc was painful, as I had never ever told her anything that was untrue in 35 years together.

It takes a while to get used to having to do it, but the process is made easier by realising that it helps them by taking worries from their minds, and that is the most important thing, not our sensibilities.

Yes, medication does take a while to get right, and needs tweaking over time as needs change.

Best wishes


Registered User
May 20, 2004
Glad to hear the sweeties have been a success!

How is the wandering affecting your sleep at night? Mum barely slept as she was always on standby should Dad decide to "go to work/home". He was very quiet and she was terrified she would not hear him go out. We had considered how we could alarm the doors without waking the dead so to speak but it wasn't until he was admitted for respite that we thought we had found the ideal solution - wind chimes! Sadly we never got to put it to the test as he never returned home.

Not sure if this idea would be of use to anyone else. The intention was to give peace of mind to allow a chance of sleep but with a sound that was clear and different enough to wake us if needed without frightening everyone. They still have their place in our hall and as we brush past them we think affectionately of Dad and if he would have beaten them or not.

Don't give up completely on the respite placement - the time perhaps wasn't quite right.


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