Funeral all over

[Jenny11]

Yesterday went as well as it could. I wanted people to nod and say, yes that was my mum and I think I achieved it.

I remember attending the funeral & the committal refreshments afterwards (what we'd call the wake) but I feel numb & still have this horrible sicky feeling in my stomach that I don't seem to be able to get rid of. Everyone said that I did my mother proud & that she would have loved the service. It got me at the opening bars of Ave Maria before the coffin had even been taken off the hearse.

I didn't cry really. Welled up a few times. Dabbed my eyes once it twice but held it together for my dad. Did lots of nodding & smiling at the memories, even though I'd written it. & everyone burst out laughing at the exit music of "You Sexy Thing" by Hot Chocolate, saying that it was so my mum & what she would have wanted.

I couldn't have been prouder of my son who got up to say a few words. That was probably the hardest thing he's ever had to do and he did it so well.

My dad has spent today sorting out another of my mum's drawers, so I've had to go over & collect her gloves & scarves. I don't know if it's a coping mechanism for him but it's wholly inappropriate to be doing it when I haven't even picked up her ashes for me.

Dad wanted to know what was left to do. Not much & I'll get round to it next week once the dust has settled a bit as they say.

I guess at some point I'll have to sort through the rest of my mum's things but for now, I'm sat down, doing nothing & being kind to myself.

It's my wedding anniversary on Sunday. I'd better go buy a card I guess. Life goes on.

 

[Bunpoots]

It sounds as though you did your mum proud @Jenny11 .

I love your choice of exit music! A funeral should reflect who the person was in life.

My dad was similar to yours and seemed to need to sort out mum’s things and keep giving them to me even though I found it difficult like you. I suspect you’re right about it being a coping mechanism.

Look after yourself now.

 

[Jale]

You should be proud of yourself for doing your Mum proud (does that make sense). When my dad died I remember saying to myself don't cry, don't break for Mum's sake - she was showing signs of dementia and I didn't want to upset her. It was months later at my Dad's best friend's funeral that I completely broke down - came out of the blue. I'm not saying that this will happen in your case but sometimes we are caught totally unaware. I think your Dad going through some of your Mum's things is his way of dealing/coping with things.

Take care and be kind to yourself

 

[sdmhred]

Gosh I thought I had replied …but must have posted it on a random thread somewhere 🙈🙈

I do hope you have enjoyed your anniversary today @Jenny11

carry on looking after yourself xx

 

[jugglingmum]

Sorry I missed this thread.

I'm glad the funeral went as planned. I was really desperate to get it right for my mum.

Life does go on and I think looking forward/getting on with the next thing is part of the cycle of life which helps stabilise us.