My mum has just been diagnosed with early-onset dementia at the age of 51. She's been having memory problems for nearly three years now - but for a long time she wouldn't admit there was a problem, even to her closest family, then when my dad finally did convince her to see a doctor, she was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. I was scared it was dementia, but when I tried to talk to my fiance (now my husband - thankfully Mum managed a good day for the wedding, in spite of the potential for overwhelming confusion) or my dad (who has been, and is still working himself to shreds trying to hold down a demanding full-time job as well as caring for Mum full-time), they told me I was probably worrying about nothing, that she might get better on the medication the doctor gave her for the thyroid problem (which she would invariably forget to take unless my dad was there to prompt her - I tried once or twice, but unless constantly nagged she would usually pick the pill up, think of something else, put the pill back down and forget about it). Now I'm almost in denial - after being told for so long that my fears were unfounded, it's very hard to believe that now the best that can possibly happen is that Mum will only ever be as she is now, the symptoms of dementia 'controlled' by medication, never the clever, creative woman I remember raising me.
I'm worried about the future and angry about the past as well. As I mentioned, I recently got married, and although my husband and I can't afford to start a family just yet, I certainly hoped to in time. I was blessed with two full sets of grandparents while I was growing up, both of which played an important part in my childhood. I always imagined that Mum would be a wonderful nan to any children I might have, but now of course she can barely look after herself, and I can't help but wonder if, had she not been too proud to seek help at first, we might have staved off this horrible condition for a while longer. I know it would make very little difference in the long run, and I don't dare talk like this in front of my husband or dad, as I know how horrible and selfish it makes me sound, but I'm caught in a whirlpool of negative emotion, and there just doesn't seem to be any way to haul myself out.
Sorry for the self-pitying ramble, but I needed to say it somehow.
I'm worried about the future and angry about the past as well. As I mentioned, I recently got married, and although my husband and I can't afford to start a family just yet, I certainly hoped to in time. I was blessed with two full sets of grandparents while I was growing up, both of which played an important part in my childhood. I always imagined that Mum would be a wonderful nan to any children I might have, but now of course she can barely look after herself, and I can't help but wonder if, had she not been too proud to seek help at first, we might have staved off this horrible condition for a while longer. I know it would make very little difference in the long run, and I don't dare talk like this in front of my husband or dad, as I know how horrible and selfish it makes me sound, but I'm caught in a whirlpool of negative emotion, and there just doesn't seem to be any way to haul myself out.
Sorry for the self-pitying ramble, but I needed to say it somehow.
