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Fourth anniversary of Mum's death

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,654
66
Toronto, Canada
It feels so strange - the four years have both been fast and endless. I have accepted Mum's death - no choice there - and mostly remember the days before Alzheimer's. I can still her pre-AD voice, saying in a slightly exasperated way "Now, Joanne" about whatever it was I was rabbiting on about. It's not raw grief anymore, it is a gentle melancholy. I still have the odd time of painful grief but these are getting further and further apart. I am grateful.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,764
Kent
You spent so much time with your mother Joanne.

Has your aunt been in touch with you since she died?
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,530
Essex
Today is mum's twelfth anniversary and I have found that since dad passed away last year I am grieving for both of them.

MaNaAk
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
16,654
66
Toronto, Canada
@Grannie G yes, my aunt has been in touch. Not right away but I think at some point she realized she had no one else. She calls every couple of months and is busy offering me recipes. We stay away from discussing Mum and the nursing home. The odd time she starts on one of her rants I get off the phone quickly.

My sister and BIL visited at Christmas last year and we took my aunt out for lunch. My eyes were extremely bad at the time and my aunt went on and on about how my specialist was no good and how I should go see her doctor. I hadn't even seen the specialist at that point. And I certainly wasn't about to travel 30 miles to see a doctor when the one I needed was 5 miles away. She fixated on how horrible my eyes looked. At that point, it was the blurriness and constant feeling of grit in the eyes which bothered me.

But overall I have achieved some balance. She still can make me crazy faster than anyone on the planet but I do try and remember she has absolutely no one else in her life. She is the last of her siblings, divorced 40 years ago and no children. I basically am it. My sister is 350 miles away and she is not in touch with my other cousins.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
62,792
69
Dundee
I thought your anniversary was coming up soon @Canadian Joanne as I remembered it was soon after Bill’s fourth anniversary. The time has just disappeared.

Your description of your grief is very like my own -

It's not raw grief anymore, it is a gentle melancholy.
Thinking of you.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,530
Essex
I woke up this morning and thought of dad again and I realised that I could still get tearful fourteen months on. Yesterday was mum's twelfth anniversary four days after her death it was my birthday and my birthday cards mingled with the sympathy cards.

MaNaAk
 

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