My father has had dementia for 5 years. As his carers, we first started noticing his computer riddled by viruses, and with this, his searches for gay porn. One day his home care service provider who gives him his daily medication from a locked box, found him in bed with a young man. Social Services were alerted. We were alerted and so were the police. We had also been noticing large amounts of money being withdrawn from his bank account. My father also had some threatening calls. Eventually with much coaxing we got him to admit he was gay. He has hidden this all his life. I am very cognizant of why he kept it a secret. His background, worried about rejection from his family, children etc. Non of us are homophobic. Being gay is not the issue.
These are my concerns:
He is accessing men who are themselves secretly gay.
There have been threats because with dementia he constantly phones them and forgets he does it so.
He has been paying for sex which makes him even more vulnerable.(We recently got his doctor to check for stds and he was clear).
He has lied to the woman who he has been 'going out' with for 30 years. He does not want her to know because he will lose her and he relies on her.
I am worried about my own fury with him. He has always been selfish, but for him to keep his partner in the dark, and has done for all this time, does he deserve her??? I know she will not be able cope with his infidelities, and I think why should she??? Yet if she leaves him, he would be lost, and in all honesty so would we. He is very hard work and has 4 of us running around after him, oblivious to his own needs as according to him there is nothing wrong with him.
We as a family are at breaking point.
Is there anyone out there who might have something useful to say about any of this?
These are my concerns:
He is accessing men who are themselves secretly gay.
There have been threats because with dementia he constantly phones them and forgets he does it so.
He has been paying for sex which makes him even more vulnerable.(We recently got his doctor to check for stds and he was clear).
He has lied to the woman who he has been 'going out' with for 30 years. He does not want her to know because he will lose her and he relies on her.
I am worried about my own fury with him. He has always been selfish, but for him to keep his partner in the dark, and has done for all this time, does he deserve her??? I know she will not be able cope with his infidelities, and I think why should she??? Yet if she leaves him, he would be lost, and in all honesty so would we. He is very hard work and has 4 of us running around after him, oblivious to his own needs as according to him there is nothing wrong with him.
We as a family are at breaking point.
Is there anyone out there who might have something useful to say about any of this?