Dad died 1 year ago this March 25th. It was the most painful time. The guilt and flashbacks come to me all the time. I wrestle with whether putting him in a nursing home and eventually bring sectioned led to his death. I question whether the drugs he was given made him worse or would he have got worse anyway. We had little choice as he tried to strangle my mum at home thinking she was an intruder. We had a nightmare few days trying to find out how to get help for him and her. It went badly downhill after he went into the home. He eventually went totally doolally...lying on the floor all the time. He died of pneumonia in the end . I blame myself as i went to see him when i had the flu. I couldn't bear to be away from him any longer. I was on holiday when he died alone in a and e. I saw him after he died but I feel we abandoned him. We were not there. I am not sure he would have known though but I feel guilty.
Flashbacks
- Thread starter nutpea
- Start date
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) @nutpea
You didnt cause his death, the Nursing Home didnt cause his death and the drugs didnt cause his death - dementia did that.
Dementia is a progressive disease and there is nothing you can do to stop it. The final outcome of it is always fatal - there are no survivors of dementia.
The poor man must have been so frightened because he didnt understand anything. When mum died I felt it was a release for her to finally be rid of that terrible disease. None of it is our fault. I wasnt with mum when she passed away, but I hadnt abandoned her and you didnt abandon your dad.
Be gentle with yourself
You didnt cause his death, the Nursing Home didnt cause his death and the drugs didnt cause his death - dementia did that.
Dementia is a progressive disease and there is nothing you can do to stop it. The final outcome of it is always fatal - there are no survivors of dementia.
The poor man must have been so frightened because he didnt understand anything. When mum died I felt it was a release for her to finally be rid of that terrible disease. None of it is our fault. I wasnt with mum when she passed away, but I hadnt abandoned her and you didnt abandon your dad.
Be gentle with yourself
Dear @nutpea please don't torment yourself with feelings of guilt. Anniversaries, especially the first one, can intensify feelings that you are having difficulty coming to terms with. From what you have written what was done had to be done to safeguard your mum. Decisions taken at the time, not necessarily your decisions, were made based on the situation at the time. None of us know for sure what the outcome will be but even with hindsight could any of the decisions have been any different. Pneumonia can be caused by over 30 different organisms. You were not to know this would happen whilst you were on holiday otherwise you would not have gone. Please forgive yourself for anything you blame yourself for. You did not do anything wrong. Xx
