First post

[Joski71]

Hi, we have had to take over the care 24/7 of my MIL and have only done a week and I already feel at breaking point! Her husband has been taken into hospital so we are now juggling hospital visits and complete care of her.
she won’t be left for ten seconds on her own in a room before she starts crying and asking for her husband and I have to sleep in the same bed as her as she gets so upset, then she’s up all night going to the toilet.
over the past few days she keeps asking us to call her mum and she wants to go home. It’s really difficult (as you all already know) but we haven’t been able to work either and I’m getting scared now if this goes on much longer what will happen with work… I feel so selfish worrying about these things. My son wants to come home from uni for a visit but there is now no where for him to sleep.
weve had a social worker round but there isn’t much they can do, they can’t offer a daytime group or centre (so we can go to work) as there isn’t room and my hubby feels too guilty to send her to full time respite care.
Sorry to go on, just feels a bit better putting it down on paper.

 

[Kevinl]

And I very much thank you for taking the time for sharing with us, paper or virtual paper, thank you. K

 

[Angelsoul]

Is this just while her husband is in hospital?
Is he able to look after her when home? X

 

[Spottydog]

Oh my goodness this sounds like a baptism of fire for you. Do you have funds to pay for respite care? Is it at all possible you could care for her in her normal home environment?

 

[Joski71]

Oh my goodness this sounds like a baptism of fire for you. Do you have funds to pay for respite care? Is it at all possible you could care for her in her normal home environment?

They have the funds for respite care but my hubby feels too guilty to do it, she has no WiFi at home so we wouldn’t be able to work from there so it’s pretty restrictive. I’m trying to keep ‘normal’ family life.

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Joski71 and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community of people who have experience of many aspects of dementia. I am sorry to hear about your situation which is clearly unsustainable. You'll find a lot of understanding and good information here, which I hope will help you.

 

[Violet Jane]

Have you let your respective workplaces know that you are dealing with a crisis? Are you able to take compassionate or carers' leave?

Your husband may be reluctant to place his mother in respite care but he needs to face facts. If his father is going to be in hospital for some time or is not going to be able to look after his wife for some time after he returns home then his mother will have to go into respite care. The alternative is one of you taking a leave of absence from work. The only other option is a live-in carer.

 

[Spottydog]

The thing is she is outside her familiar environment without her husband. She is therefore under incredible stress. So it's best to look at a course of action which reduces her stress rather than trying to integrate her into your 'normal environment'

 

[canary]

Hello @Joski71
What you and your husband are trying to do is unsustainable. When dementia comes into the home the normal environment flies out of the window!
If you try and bring her home with you everything will have to revolve around her and she will want someone with her literally every moment of the day. I dare say that this is what was happening to your dad. He had become your mums "comfort blanket" and she wanted him with her all the time, but now she has lost him (even if only temporarily). She needs to be somewhere where there are people who can attend to her needs, all round the clock, night and day.