My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia just over 4 years ago, although he probably had it for at least a year or more before the formal diagnosis. Pre-pandemic I was able to go out and leave him on his own for a few hours and know that he would be fairly safe but his dementia has become worse over the last year and he is now much more dependent on me. I had a carers assessment a year ago and it was suggested I should try and organise some regular respite to help me cope. Well here we are a year on and I'm still dithering over what sort of respite care might suit and how to go about organising it, will my husband agree to it etc etc. I've managed up till now with the occasional bit of ad-hoc help from family but it's not been regular, and my husband's sister who has been the most supportive in the past, is now not well herself so may not be able to help much in the future.
I finally plucked up courage today to contact Age UK and they were really helpful. They suggested we might try one day a week at a day care centre. I'm taking my husband on Friday to meet the staff at a local centre and to find out a bit more about it. I was really pleased with myself - until I told my husband's son what I'd done (son from his first marriage). He said he didn't think it was the right thing for his Dad to be doing, so now I feel like someone has poured a bucket of cold water over me. Of course I am well aware that my husband may not like it, but my view is if we don't try it we will never know.
I've already suffered from mental health problems and needed counselling last year, so I know that I need to organise some regular respite for my own sanity. His son's suggestion is to pay for a carer to come here for a couple of hours a week instead. I feel like I'm on a see-saw - on the one hand I know I need to have a regular break but on the other hand I'm feeling really guilty about it. Part of me is inclined to say I won't bother to look for respite and to just keep plodding on managing without because it's too stressful trying to arrange something.
I'd be interested to hear other peoples experiences of organising respite. Was it worth the effort? Is it normal to feel this guilty about needing to have a break?
I finally plucked up courage today to contact Age UK and they were really helpful. They suggested we might try one day a week at a day care centre. I'm taking my husband on Friday to meet the staff at a local centre and to find out a bit more about it. I was really pleased with myself - until I told my husband's son what I'd done (son from his first marriage). He said he didn't think it was the right thing for his Dad to be doing, so now I feel like someone has poured a bucket of cold water over me. Of course I am well aware that my husband may not like it, but my view is if we don't try it we will never know.
I've already suffered from mental health problems and needed counselling last year, so I know that I need to organise some regular respite for my own sanity. His son's suggestion is to pay for a carer to come here for a couple of hours a week instead. I feel like I'm on a see-saw - on the one hand I know I need to have a regular break but on the other hand I'm feeling really guilty about it. Part of me is inclined to say I won't bother to look for respite and to just keep plodding on managing without because it's too stressful trying to arrange something.
I'd be interested to hear other peoples experiences of organising respite. Was it worth the effort? Is it normal to feel this guilty about needing to have a break?