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Finances and planning for the future


Registered User
Sep 13, 2014
Good day to all you wonderful people, I hope that life is being kind to you all today.

My wife and I are planning for the future with Mum, IF, Dad passes before her.
We are both very happy to have Mum stay with us for as long as possible and practical.
The questions I have for you all are related to finance.

Is it wrong to charge Mum "rent", "lodge", "board" every week for staying with us?

If my wife has to give up work to care for Mum, is it wrong to charge Mum for this care? Carers Allowance & Attendance Allowance add up to about 22 hours at minimum wage rates!

If we have to make adjustments to our home to accommodate Mum in the future, is it wrong to charge Mum for this work?

Mum has plenty of money to fund her care, either at her own house or in a care home. However, I believe the quality of life Mum would have living with us, is probably going to be better for her than living on her own and having to pay for people to go in 3/4 times per day and stay over night or for her to be in a home.

I just want to make it clear, that I would be prepared to spend my life savings to look after my Mum. I feel really bad for even thinking about "charging" Mum for taking care of her! :eek: :(

Thanks for reading this and I look forward to reading your opinions.


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
Radcliffe on Trent
I do not see any reason why your mum should not make a contribution to any or all of the costs you describe. These are costs that she would have to meet wherever she was living, including adaptations to the home. In fact you will probably be saving her money, firstly by pooling the household expenses and secondly by delaying the point where she might need to pay for full time residential care.

If you went to live with her, I'm sure you would make a reasonable contribution to the household costs.

You are being very generous and thoughtful already, you don't need to subsidise her financially as well. Keep accounts though, so it is clear what you are spending her money on.


Registered User
Nov 9, 2013

I think that sounds reasonable,, as has already been said if she were in her own home she would have to pay for food and heating, etc also as she has ample funds if he retired cre she would have to pay. I am sure if she were able to make that decision she would want to contribute. I would also agree with previous comment and keep accounts.


Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
North East
All of this sounds totally fair, right and reasonable. You are not out to make money you are just thinking of providing the best quality of life for your mum.

I will add that it is not something to be taken on lightly, please have a good read of many different posts on here to give you some insight of what is going to happen in the future. Not all will happen but a lot will. Preparation ahead will help you no end.

If you do go ahead with this please ensure that any costs are well documented and keep that documentation safe just in case there are any questions about deprivation of assists in the future. The documentation provided will show what you have actually spent money on and then they can judge whether this money was used for your mums quality of life or not.


Registered User
Sep 13, 2014

Thank you all for your reassuring comments.
On a moral level, it seems wrong to me to "charge" Mum for her keep etc, but on a practical level, I know it makes sense, especially if we find that we need carers to come in and help with looking after Mum.

Hopefully "that day" will be a long time coming, I am aware that it will come sooner rather than later and that it could be a strain for the wife and I juggling a "normal" life along with caring for Mum, but it is something we both want to do for her. I'm shuddering now at the thought of a care home!

Once again, thanks for the replies, gratefully appreciated.

Dave x

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