I am feeling so very low and down at the moment after the weekend. It was my mums 69th birthday and dad had arranged for some family members and friends to meet for a drink and something to eat. Mum was generally good but struggles now with the toilet and eating so i had to help her with her dinner which i have done for a while now. Anyway the afternoon went generally well. Some of mum and dads friends where there that i had not seen for a year or so and as mum has declined very much in the last 6 months it was painful for them to see and for me to let them see her like this. I have started to develop this overwhelming need to protect her and her dignity as i know she would hate it if her friends could see her being helped with her eating.
Dad had a great time and that really was what i wanted more than anything. But as i left one of mums close friends pulled me aside to say how bad my mum had become. Well the flood gates opened and really have not stopped since. I feel so cross and annoyed that i could not hold it together as mum has been diagnosed for 5 years now so i should be able to by now. I have never cried in front of my dad about mum (left that to poor husband and kids) and have always stayed in control even in the beginning so feel so ashamed with my self that i got upset. He knew i was upset but did not say anything to me or has mentioned it since. Just that he had a good time.
Since then my dad seems to be generally avoiding me and i am so scared he now thinks i cant handle it all. We have always been very open about mum and always discussed any problems and how to overcome them together but never discussed our own feelings.
All of a sudden for the first time in 5 years i feel i cannot cope with this! I feel guilty because of this as i now this year is going to be very difficult for dad as some decision about a care home will have to be made.
I miss my mum so much and i think seeing all her friends that are the same age as her at the weekend was just so painful. I really hope this all of a sudden helplessness passes as i feel awful at the moment!! I just hope my dad is not cross with me for getting upset.
Busybee
Dad had a great time and that really was what i wanted more than anything. But as i left one of mums close friends pulled me aside to say how bad my mum had become. Well the flood gates opened and really have not stopped since. I feel so cross and annoyed that i could not hold it together as mum has been diagnosed for 5 years now so i should be able to by now. I have never cried in front of my dad about mum (left that to poor husband and kids) and have always stayed in control even in the beginning so feel so ashamed with my self that i got upset. He knew i was upset but did not say anything to me or has mentioned it since. Just that he had a good time.
Since then my dad seems to be generally avoiding me and i am so scared he now thinks i cant handle it all. We have always been very open about mum and always discussed any problems and how to overcome them together but never discussed our own feelings.
All of a sudden for the first time in 5 years i feel i cannot cope with this! I feel guilty because of this as i now this year is going to be very difficult for dad as some decision about a care home will have to be made.
I miss my mum so much and i think seeing all her friends that are the same age as her at the weekend was just so painful. I really hope this all of a sudden helplessness passes as i feel awful at the moment!! I just hope my dad is not cross with me for getting upset.
Busybee