Please can I start with a thank you to all involved with this site. I have watched and read so much here over the last 3 years and have managed to keep a little ahead of the game thanks to this invaluable information. Done POA, council tax disregard, contacted ss, pay for care agency. To read others heart felt stories and how they struggle to deal with the bombardment of emotion helps so much. In short my mum is 82, lives 120 miles from me, has had memory issues for 5 years, had a diagnosis of vascular dementia just over two years ago, lives alone with a care agency coming twice a day to give her tablets (this has happened for past 6 months as I found tablets everywhere and eventually a nomad box system wasn't working either ). Until 2 months ago she enjoyed going to town everyday for a coffee and walk around, managing a bus there and back. However she only manages once a week now as she is physically weaker. I manage to see her for an over night stay every three weeks, I ring her twice a day. She has a skin condition which has meant a district nurse coming 3 times a week to wash and cream her legs. Having just been over I can see mum struggling with everything. She was surrounded by newspapers and packaging dirty washing etc it is clear she is now suffering from a bowel issue causing messy clothing sheets carpets etc I have put right what I can but she isn't easy to look after as she feels she's fine. She hasn't showered or bathed for a long time and is very unpleasant to be with now. She has never wanted to be a "nuisance" and has refused moving to be with us. But actually her being a distance away is really hard my day and night is spent worrying about the whole situation picturing her this once smart capable woman now cold lonely and no doubt frightened but never discussing emotions. I have contact with a social worker for mum who is lovely and will visit mum if I ask but if mum always so no to extra help what can we do. Sorry feel like I have taken from this site and not given.