1. wedge

    wedge Registered User

    Jan 14, 2008
    15
    egham surrey
    I am a new member,my husband has frontal lobe dementia, he was diagnosed just over a year ago. Up to now we have coped fairly well, there has been bad days but we try to go out and about and keep smiling.

    Over the past few weeks My husband has deteriated, he can no longer dress himself without suopervision, and yeasterday he couldn't recall having a brother or his mother. Everytime something happens like this I become angry and tearful, I try not to let this happen but seeing my lovely intelligent husband dissapearing before my eyes is so difficult. I need to talk to someone in the same situation. I have tried contacting the Altzheimers society and the mental health team, but no one seems to know if there are any clubs/meetings/people I could talk to.; We have lots of friends who are very supportive and helpful, as well as a daughter and son in law close by. I dont feel I can rant and cry infront of them as it makes me feel guilty that I would make them feel as miserable.How do other people cope? How can I keep from crying infront of my husband?

    These are probably silly questions, I just need someone to talk to who understands

    Wedge
     
  2. CraigC

    CraigC Registered User

    Mar 21, 2003
    6,630
    London
    Hi Wedge and a massive welcome,

    You sure have come to the right place. There are a lot of like minded people in the same boat here.

    I understand how difficult it is to talk to other people about the situation, it is impossible for them to understand how you feel if they have not experienced it first hand.

    My mum has opened up to me on a few ocassions and it has helped both of us rather than make me feel misserable. Just good to hear her talk about it rather than bottle up feelings.

    Personally I cope with most of the practical and emotional problems by talking to like minded people on this forum, particulary when times are tough.

    I still have the odd tear in front of my dad. What I do know from this forum is that we are not alone. You can't bottle it up all the time it is just too much to take in.

    take care and glad you have found talking point
    kindest regards
    Craig
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,731
    Kent
    Hello Wedge, I`m glad you have found talking Point. I hope it will help you to feel supported by people who understand.

    Do you think it`s possible that your husband has deteriorated because the cold, dark winter weather has confined him to the house. This has happened to my husband. He too has shown signs of deterioration during the winter months.

    It doesn`t help much I know, but it might be a reason, and when the warmer weather comes and you can get out more, things might pick up.

    If you are unduly worried about your husband`s decline, why don`t you contact his consultant and ask for an appointment. You don`t say whether or not your husband is on any medication, but if he is, there might be some adjustments that can be made.

    It`s a great shame you have no local Alzheimers Support Group. I can only suggest you do your ranting and crying here on TP. You will be in good company. It is a life line for many of us.

    Please take care and keep in touch.

    Love xx
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Wedge, welcome to TP. You've certainly found the right place for like-minded people, there are quite a few of us caring for spouses, and we know how upsetting it is, seeing the person we love dteriorate day by day. My husband has recently gone into care, and I'm devastated, but it was the only option.

    The trouble with dementia is, no two people are alike, so no-one knows how quickly the disease will progress. It sounds as if your husband is progressing quite quickly, and that can be so hard to bear.

    Stay around and talk to us whenever you like. There is usually someone here, though there are usually more people online in the evening. But there's always someone who understands.

    All the best,
     
  5. Mameeskye

    Mameeskye Registered User

    Aug 9, 2007
    1,669
    NZ
    HI Wedge

    And welcome.

    You are not alone as there are lots of us here who understand. In my case it is my Mum who has dementia. Before she became ill my Dad had died from cancer and I know that at times we worried and cried together drawing strength from each other although many times I tried hard to be strong for her and her for me.

    Talk with your family and friends about how you feel. They are probably worried for you and with you but are too frightened to ask.

    It is not easy, this illness and the grieving starts for our loved ones even before they are diagnosed and goes on for a long time as each stage and each skill is forgotten.

    Love

    Mameeskye
     
  6. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    I do not think any questions on TP are classed as 'silly'. We are all suffering in different ways and it is an excellent place to 'let go'.

    My husband has Alz. and I have shared feelings with my eldest daughter who is very understanding. But we are all different and you will know best when to 'share' with your own family. It is devastating but I know you will cope. I am surprised that there is not a local Alz. Society Group for you. I am sure someone will log this up and check out your nearest.

    Keep posting Best wishes Jan
     
  7. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
  8. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    7,788
    East Midlands
    Hello Wedge,

    Lots of good advice there. I understand you saying the above-but sharing your grief with your daughter may bring you even closer.
    If you think about it-wouldn't you want her to share her problems with you-and how would you feel if she struggled on alone and didn't include you? It may just make you feel better ,too.

    Your daughter and SIL may be feeling miserable because you don't off-load. Only a thought....

    I understand what you're going through-my husband has AD and I've seen a big deterioration this winter too.

    Hope you find some peace and support-we're all here for you

    Love Gigi x
     
  9. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Whenever I feel alone and desolate, I turn to Talking Point. Sharing seems to make things a little easier. I'm glad you shared with us. I think the months Jan Feb March are always rarther bleak and I too have seen a deterioration this last few weeks and wonder if the dark, overcast days have something to do with the depression my poor husband is feeling which pushes the illness a little bit further along. All my love TinaT
     
  10. Doreen99

    Doreen99 Registered User

    Jan 12, 2008
    66
    Sheffield
    Hi Wedge

    I'm new here as well, but I've already discovered there's a whole load of support available on this Forum.


    You can't bottle everything up, it's not good for you, you need to let go every now and then. Are you sure your daughter would become that upset if you unburdened yoursef to her? She could well be feeling a bit of a spare part, if you're doing all the coping, and might want to be there for you, but doesn't know how to approach the subject. Or one of your friends, especially if they have also gone through the same thing or something similar?

    And, of course, you can always post on here - everybody will understand the pressure you're under, nobody's going to think you're daft or asking silly question, I'm sure we've all been there, done that and got the T-shirt.

    With TP around, you're never alone.
     
  11. wedge

    wedge Registered User

    Jan 14, 2008
    15
    egham surrey
    Thank you so much to each of you that replied, It is so comforting to hear from people who understand. Thank you for all the good advice, perhaps the winter months dont help, I think that maybe my lack of coping doesn't help either. I have noticed that if I am calm and happy my husband seems to improve slightly.
    Next time I feel desperate I will come on line and rant with all of you instead of him.

    Thanks again

    Wedge
     

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