1. ROSEANN

    ROSEANN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    909
    staffordshire
    Today was the first day for my husband to go to day care after months of waiting for a place. I feel so guilty for letting him go but at the same time am looking forward to a few hours to myself.We have just come back from a break in Scotland to visit family and see the mountains and I came back shattered he was so confused he kept wanting to come home,since we`ve been home he is not sleeping well he`s talking in his sleep and now because he`s going to day care I am trying to get rid of him.
    Sorry to go on just feeling sorry for myself.
    Roseann
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Roseann, please don't feel guilty. You need some time to yourself, and you never know, he might enjoy it.

    John goes one day a week, and he always gives me a hard time before he goes, but as soon as he's through the door and the staff are welcoming him, he's fine. He gets very agitated after lunch, apparently, and thinks it's time for me to pick him up, but he's like that at home, too. It's just insecurity.

    I'm not surprised he's a bit upset after the holiday, any sort of change in routine can do that. Insecurity again!

    Try to relax, and do something completely different today. Next week you'll enjoy it more.

    Love,
     
  3. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    542
    Hello Roseann

    Sorry to hear you're feeling guilty about your husband going to day care. But, it does sound like you need a break, so I hope you can enjoy the time on your own.

    I too posted about 'feeling guilty' (although about a different topic), this morning. I do find it helps to get thoughts down and share it with others on TP. I guess we all feel, at times, that 'we can't do right, for doing wrong'.

    But you have done the right thing. As Hazel said, your husband might enjoy it.

    Take care.
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,869
    Kent
    Roseann, you have my utmost admiration.

    I wish I was able to arrange day care for my husband, but it would be impossible as I know he would refuse to go.

    You have taken a very important first step, and your husband has actually gone. Don`t feel guilty, make the most of your day. You deserve it.

    Love xx
     
  5. gill@anchorage5

    gill@anchorage5 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    211
    Southampton
    Day Centre

    Hello Roseann

    If it's any consolation I was very wary when it was suggested that Dad started attending a Day Care Centre - I felt worried that we were "admitting defeat" and that the place would be full of people much further advanced than Dad, which would unsettle & upset him. I couldn't have been more wrong!

    I've visited his Day Centre several times now and got to know the "escorts" who come to collect him & bring him home in the minibus. The staff are wonderfully caring & treat all their clients as individuals. Perhaps best of all they do a wide range of activities there which Dad has really enjoyed over the last few years.

    Prior to his recent medical problems - Dad attended twice a week and although it has to be said that he was sometimes reluctant to go - feedback from the escorts confirmed that he nearly always entered into the activities with the noteable exception of the "keep fit" session which he refused point blank to take part in (& all credit to the staff - they respected this & he was always found something else to do while this was going on!)

    We found the "escorts" kept us updated as Dad could sadly not remember what activities he had done or what they had for lunch. The Day Centre would always phone if there was a problem - so hope that gives you some reassurance.

    As Dad has been unable to attend for some weeks - sadly the Day Centre were unable to keep his place open, but once he is back home & settled we will certainly see if he can attend once again.

    Not only does it give Mum a much needed break for a few hours - he really enjoys it & I can honestly say that I didn't think he would.

    Give it time & I hope it works out for you.

    Love

    Gill x
     
  6. ROSEANN

    ROSEANN Registered User

    Oct 1, 2006
    909
    staffordshire
    Update

    Thanks girls for your replys, I felt alot better as the day went on.
    John has just come home and although he is shattered and cannot remember what he did he is talking about next week he says it will be better because he will know what it is all about.
    I think he must have taken part in a raffle because I found a toy monkey in his pocket,so all in all I think a sucsessful day.
    Once again thank you for your replys
    Roseann
     
  7. Westie

    Westie Registered User

    Great news!

    Roseann,

    So glad John seems to have enjoyed the day care centre. It must be such a relief for you.

    You can now look forward to these days each week as a little break for you both.

    My husband goes to day care once a week and I never thought he would like it - but he does! I can now arrange things in advance (as long as a Monday) and even get to have the odd lunch or coffee with a friend. Fantastic.

    At Peter's day centre, they provide me with a contact book. They complete a brief outline of activities for the day and what he had for lunch so I can talk to him about his day. I let them know about significant events during the week and that gives them a basis of things to talk to him about. Maybe John's could do something similar for you if John is unable to let you know what he has been doing.

    Mary-Ann
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #8 Margarita, Aug 6, 2007
    Last edited: Aug 6, 2007
    just a thought .


    As it happen with my mother when I use to take her away on holiday and we got back , she was very unsettle for a week , so you may find a change in his behavior , sleeping patten , change . but then he gets back in to a routine and feel more settle down.

    I Find with my mother she needs stability in one place all the time , taking her on holiday or even respite , she always more confessed when she gets back home
     
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,869
    Kent
    Wonderful news Roseann, well done both of you.

    Love xx
     
  10. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Roseann, glad the day went well, and thank you for updating us.

    Can remember those feelings well, and yet in the end Lionel was going 4 days a week, which enabled me to continue to keep him at home for longer.

    Without his days at the centre I would have been a prisoner. Not easy to accept at first, but a lifeline in the end.
     
  11. DickG

    DickG Registered User

    Feb 26, 2006
    558
    Stow-on-the-Wold
    Hi Roseann

    So pleased that everything went well, you need the breaks and without them you will not be able to cope and that spells disaster for your husband.

    Sylvia, I can identify with your problem as Mary refused to go to a day centre and as I began to sink under the stress, out of sheer desparation I put my foot down and in effect said off you go. She now enjoys her two days in the day centre where every thing she says is fresh and new to her fellow attendees despite continual repetition. It must be wonderful for her to repeat the same theme without anyone raising their eyebrows in exasperation and finding her good company. Often the hardest decision is the right one. I hope you solve the problem soon.

    Dick
     
  12. gill@anchorage5

    gill@anchorage5 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    211
    Southampton
    Great News

    That's great news Roseann

    Had been wondering how you BOTH got on today - so I'm really pleased that you were able to give an update & that it all went better than you anticipated.

    Hope all continues to go well - & it will be so nice for you to be able to plan something for you to do on Mondays now!

    Take care

    Love

    Gill x
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,869
    Kent
    Thank you Dick.

    When I get to the stage where I feel I`m sinking, I`ll probably do what you did, at least I hope so. But so far, I don`t feel it`s an absolute necessity, it would just be a luxury.

    I`m so pleased for you that Mary enjoys her days at the Day Centre. My turn will come.

    Take care

    Love xx
     
  14. ponsaelius

    ponsaelius Registered User

    Aug 6, 2007
    2
    central scotland
    Roseann
    It's only natural that you feel guilty, but having been in the same position, I'm sure you'll find that your husband will really enjoy his 'day out' as it becomes part of his routine - and you'll appreciate the time to recharge your batteries.
    Take care
    Ponsaelius
     

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