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Exhausted from Granny's night-time wandering and faecal incontinence

Lisa74

Registered User
May 27, 2011
276
3.20am

I'm just really tired at the moment!

I was going to shower and go to bed about an hour and a half ago but just as I was heading upstairs my Granny (VaD sufferer) went to the toilet and proceeded to poo/have diarrhoea all over the bathroom and herself/her clothes. Luckily my parents took charge of the cleaning job this time (I've had to do it myself when they've been at work a few times now) and they have showered her and are cleaning up the bathroom (the same thing happened 3x yesterday!).

I'm really tired because Granny came into my room several times last night (not realizing it was the middle of the night) and turned my light on to ask questions and I couldn't get back to sleep for ages.

I know my Mum and Dad are exhausted too (more so than I am), they both work and we've had Granny for 8 years with no respite/holidays. Sadly a care-home is not an option and our extended family/her other kids don't care about us.

G'ah!

3.40am Round two! Offered to help and provided wipes/gloves. My Mum had a bad migraine today and threw up despite taking several prescription tablets (she has about 4-5 severe migraines a week) and I'm pretty sure the lack of sleep tonight is going to make things worse tomorrow. Not sure how many more times this will happen tonight or if we'll get to bed :(
 
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janey106

Registered User
Dec 10, 2013
139
3.20am

I'm just really tired at the moment!

I was going to shower and go to bed about an hour and a half ago but just as I was heading upstairs my Granny (VaD sufferer) went to the toilet and proceeded to poo/have diarrhoea all over the bathroom and herself/her clothes. Luckily my parents took charge of the cleaning job this time (I've had to do it myself when they've been at work a few times now) and they have showered her and are cleaning up the bathroom (the same thing happened 3x yesterday!).

I'm really tired because Granny came into my room several times last night (not realizing it was the middle of the night) and turned my light on to ask questions and I couldn't get back to sleep for ages.

I know my Mum and Dad are exhausted too (more so than I am), they both work and we've had Granny for 8 years with no respite/holidays. Sadly a care-home is not an option and our extended family/her other kids don't care about us.

G'ah!

3.40am Round two! Offered to help and provided wipes/gloves. My Mum had a bad migraine today and threw up despite taking several prescription tablets (she has about 4-5 severe migraines a week) and I'm pretty sure the lack of sleep tonight is going to make things worse tomorrow. Not sure how many more times this will happen tonight or if we'll get to bed :(
Hi Lisa74,

Forgive me as I don't know anything more about your curcumstances but are Adult Social Care involved? It sounds like you are all exhausted and badly in need of a break or you will implode and not be able to care. Have they done any recent assessments? Really hope you can find some support out there. Thinking of you.
 

Pottingshed50

Registered User
Apr 8, 2012
514
I second that , you definitely need professional help. Can you or Mum and Dad contact Age UK , they can be very helpful. You dont have to cope with this situation, has Granny got a Doctor. If so the doctor must be contacted , not only for your sakes but for Granny's sake as well. Dont worry it will sort itself out. This is an illness this is not Granny, she doesnt know what she is doing.

Let us know how you get on.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,035
Scotland
On a purely practical note can you get a slip bolt fitted inside your door so she can't come into your room during the night.

The GP can prescribe sleeping pills to get her through the night. You need to get a care assessment for her and carers assessment for all of you.
 

Tin

Registered User
May 18, 2014
4,825
UK
Morning Lisa, Is it possible that your grandmothers diet needs looking at or needing her meds reviewing, awful lot of bowel movements in one day!!

you have my complete understanding about night time wandering and questioning, until recently this was going on in my house and it was like torture, could not get mum to stay in bed, as soon as I got out of her room she was up again, right behind me. It might be a good idea to get some sort of lock for your door, although if your grandmother is vocal this may not help, then I'd go for ear plugs-I did!!
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,906
London
This could be overflow diaorrhea from constipation and can be sorted with fibre-containing drinks like Fybogel. Get her to a doctor ASAP.

As for "care home is not an option" - why not? If you've promised her once you wouldn't or you are worried what the family might think - forget it. This is bigger than you and you have the right to your own life. No person has duty of care for another person, only the state does! It's time to end the martyrdom and accept help. Urgently get a needs assessment done plus a carers assessment. You could get carers in the house or sitters or get her into day care or get some respite weeks - anything that helps alleviate the burden. You have to look after your own health - and why should your mum's health be made worse by the situation?

Get in touch with social services, but also with the Alzheimer's Society, Age UK and/or the Carers Centre. They can provide practical and emotional support ad well as advocacy. If you are worried your parents won't accept any state or other help, I am sure they could come to your house and talk to them.
 

Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Just to say I absolutely agree with other posters. Support is needed here, please ask for it Lisa, or talk to your parents and help them see what is available.

Lindy xx
 

susy

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
801
North East
She needs to see a dr. I agree it could well be overflow from constipation that is giving her all this diarrhoea. You may well think, no chance, she has gone loads.... Honestly unless she has this dealt with it will continue. Also, being constipated can lead to an escalation of her confusion. This is certainly something to try and deal with for many reasons.
As for no respite and no care home. Why not? The way I think, if you all don't have any respite from her needs then you will all not be able to care for her effectively and it's not only you who suffers, so does she. Don't be selfish about it by pandering to guilty feelings. Allow her to go and be well cared for in a 24 hr care setting whilst you all have your batteries recharged. This is all about what is best for her. First stop though is to get her checked out to make sure she is ok. Checking for constipation and a possible urine infection. X

Wishing you and your parents (and your gran) all the very best.
 

jasmineflower

Registered User
Aug 27, 2012
335
Hi
If your mum is having several migraines a week that is likely to be a result of severe stress. It's sounds like you are all at breakdown point. Are you able to start a serious conversation with your parents or has it become the 'elephant in the room'?
 

Lisa74

Registered User
May 27, 2011
276
Thanks everyone.

She is on antibiotics at the moment, which explains the loose stools. She does also get constipation so takes Fybogel and Lactulose each day to prevent build up. Although this is a bit disgusting she has a rectal prolapse which is responsible for a lot of her toilet issues. She's been to the doctors once/twice a week for the past month for various infections and issues.

The 'no-care home' issue is complicated and beyond my control. My parents needed to move house to rented years ago (when I was a kid) but my gran suggested she move in with us, contribute to our mortgage payments and live out her days with us.

We are in financial hardship and had a social services assessment and would have to pay in more than we would be given/SS deemed necessary (3 hours at-home care per week). We also had a carer's assessment but were offered very little support. It seems as though the government would like people to think there is support and respite available but for lots of families that's not the case! I am definitely not a martyr and would happily let my Gran move to a care home tomorrow- it's just exhausting and I feel powerless to control the situation!
 
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Lindy50

Registered User
Dec 11, 2013
5,239
Cotswolds
Thanks for the clarification, Lisa. As you say, a lot of this seems to be beyond your control, and perhaps all the more distressing for that...

I'm still a bit confused though. It would be your gran who would be financially assessed to establish how much she could contribute to her care. If it was a lot, it would in practice affect the household income, of course. And if she were to move into a care home, the household would again lose her income, which would no longer go 'into the pot'.

That said, things sound so bad that I can't imagine how you can all carry on without a break. Maybe respite would be the answer for a while? There is a different financial assessment for this and it might be possible for your family?

I really hope that something can be sorted out, and soon :)

Lindy xx