• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

end of tether

kestrellady

Registered User
Sep 28, 2012
13
0
I need help and advice. Dad became agitated this weekend whilst I was,away and my sister was looking after him. Since I came back he has carried on getting worse. A manager of adult social care came today to do a formal assessment, dad said he was not to have anyone coming to care for him, that was our job as 'his serves' just before he came he pushed me, jarring my back and while man was here raised his stick to me, which the man saw. I left them to talk them I spoke to man on my own, but still feel that no help is going to be coming. Dad has been so nasty all weekend, saying awful things about, which we are used to, but the worse was when he told us he wished he had never married my dear mum, who died last year. He is threatening to take our dog to the vets to be put down (our vet wouldn't) or tell the RSPCA to take him away. I can't take this much more, nobody seems to be taking this all seriously, his CPN is due to visit this week and I've written all this down and will drop it off at his place tomorrow, but even he doesn't seem to realise how bad it's getting. I work full time and to be honest this is like respite for me, I'm thinking of going to GP to let them know just how hard I'm finding all this, but the last thing I need is to be signed off as then I would be at home with dad. I just want someone to seem to understand and give me the help and advice I desperately need.
 

Nanak

Registered User
Mar 25, 2010
1,973
0
62
Brisbane Australia
Hi kestrellady,
I would ask the GP to test Dad for a UTI.
It sounds like you are worn out. I can't give you any practical advice but someone will be along soon to help.
Just wanted you to know someone had read your post and to send (((hugs)))

Kim
 

kestrellady

Registered User
Sep 28, 2012
13
0
Hi kestrellady,
I would ask the GP to test Dad for a UTI.
It sounds like you are worn out. I can't give you any practical advice but someone will be along soon to help.
Just wanted you to know someone had read your post and to send (((hugs)))

Kim

Thanks, Def gonna ring GP tomorrow, he's due to see nurse this week for his warfarin test.
 

FifiMo

Registered User
Feb 10, 2010
4,705
0
Wiltshire
You don't say if you live with your dad or not and whether you can go home if he is being aggressive. What you need to do at his house is identify a room that you can move to if he is agitated and put a lock on the door. If you have a mobile phone then carry it with you at all times. As soon as you notice his demeanour changing, move to the room and lock the door. DO NOT hang around to see if he gets violent or not as sometimes in a fit of anger they can have superhuman strength and could hurt you badly. From the room you can call out for help. Do not think twice about phoning the police or the ambulance service for help. They are used to dealing with this and there is a bonus in that they are obliged to report things to his GP and SW. If this happens then GP and SW would be obliged to investigate this.

One outcome that may happen if they see him angry or violent is that they may section him and take him to hospital for assessment. Perhaps find some medication that calms him down and makes him more manageable. I know there is a stigma associated with people being sectioned but as many people on here will tell you, it can be the best thing that happens. This is particularly so with people who put on a different act when others are around. In hospital they can't maintain this and so the hosp eventually see everything warts and all.

Please remember too that you are not obliged to be your father's carer, so, if it is starting to affect your health you more than have the right to say enough is enough. As long as you don't make a stand the SW and CPN will play lip service to the problems then walk away and wait for the next episode.

Hope this helps,

Fiona
 

kestrellady

Registered User
Sep 28, 2012
13
0
You don't say if you live with your dad or not and whether you can go home if he is being aggressive. What you need to do at his house is identify a room that you can move to if he is agitated and put a lock on the door. If you have a mobile phone then carry it with you at all times. As soon as you notice his demeanour changing, move to the room and lock the door. DO NOT hang around to see if he gets violent or not as sometimes in a fit of anger they can have superhuman strength and could hurt you badly. From the room you can call out for help. Do not think twice about phoning the police or the ambulance service for help. They are used to dealing with this and there is a bonus in that they are obliged to report things to his GP and SW. If this happens then GP and SW would be obliged to investigate this.

One outcome that may happen if they see him angry or violent is that they may section him and take him to hospital for assessment. Perhaps find some medication that calms him down and makes him more manageable. I know there is a stigma associated with people being sectioned but as many people on here will tell you, it can be the best thing that happens. This is particularly so with people who put on a different act when others are around. In hospital they can't maintain this and so the hosp eventually see everything warts and all.

Please remember too that you are not obliged to be your father's carer, so, if it is starting to affect your health you more than have the right to say enough is enough. As long as you don't make a stand the SW and CPN will play lip service to the problems then walk away and wait for the next episode.

Hope this helps,

Fiona

Thanks Fiona, yes dad does live with me and as you point out is totally different when other people are around. When the bloke came to do the formal assessment yesterday he was, saying how much he can do for himself, most of it lies as, apart from personal care, l do nearly everything for him, but felt the assessor thought I was saying things were worst then they are, even though he had witnessed dad raise his stick to me. Thankfully my sister lives next door so I do have a bolt hole but fear dad would lock me out, my sister is in this with me but the stress is getting to her too - chest pains etc. My other sister thought we were over reacting too but after looking after him for a few days she now realises but can only give limited help. We just want to know what we have to do to get help. I know we are lucky to have each other (my sister and I) but we feel almost abandoned to deal with it all. Dad has appointment at memory clinic next week and I will again ask for help. I just wish someone would give Andre instead of saying ' well it's complicated'
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,992
0
UK
Before your Dad has his appointment make a bullet point list of what has been hapening and what he can really do. Email or drop that list to the clinic before you go. We did this with Mum as if you listening to her you would think she did everything and that I was the on with issues.

Make sure you tell them that both you and your sister are becoming ill.
 

Bumblegirl

Registered User
Nov 17, 2012
86
0
I'm so sorry about what is happening. It sounds like when my mum was home and she used to raise a stick to dad - she actually used hers and dad would get beaten. Eventually, I called out an ambulance in desperation. Of course they could not take her to hospital as she was not 'ill,' as such but they did refer to SS who called that very day. They called about dad and not mum as he was described as the vulnerable adult. However, it precipitated help and eventually mum ended up being sectioned. Not a scary experience at all but one that gave dad some safety and mum some treatment. Don't be scared to call the emergency services, is the moral of my story.

Good luck and I hope your dad gets some help which will help you and your sister.
Best wishes
BG
 

kestrellady

Registered User
Sep 28, 2012
13
0
I'm so sorry about what is happening. It sounds like when my mum was home and she used to raise a stick to dad - she actually used hers and dad would get beaten. Eventually, I called out an ambulance in desperation. Of course they could not take her to hospital as she was not 'ill,' as such but they did refer to SS who called that very day. They called about dad and not mum as he was described as the vulnerable adult. However, it precipitated help and eventually mum ended up being sectioned. Not a scary experience at all but one that gave dad some safety and mum some treatment. Don't be scared to call the emergency services, is the moral of my story.

Good luck and I hope your dad gets some help which will help you and your sister.
Best wishes
BG
Thanks for all the support, have followed the advice, wrote a note for CPN,and left it at his base so he will see it before he visits dad tomorrow, also booked a double appointment with GP for Monday to talk things through. Dad now over latest agitated stage and was all full of sorrow and remorse this am, but we know this will happen over and over.