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End of life - mum fighting it at 69

Chloebo

Registered User
Feb 22, 2016
13
Thank you again for all your kind thoughts and sharing of experiences, so many people in similar situations and my heart goes out to you all xxxx
Every day changes and I am just trying to deal with those changes, I can't believe how someone can deteriorate in a matter of hours.
My mum now has pneumonia and is in a deep 'morphine' assisted sleep, I think it will only be a matter of hours/days.
Love to you all and what you are going through too...so very sad xxx


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2jays

Registered User
Jun 4, 2010
11,598
West Midlands
Thank you again for all your kind thoughts and sharing of experiences, so many people in similar situations and my heart goes out to you all xxxx
Every day changes and I am just trying to deal with those changes, I can't believe how someone can deteriorate in a matter of hours.
My mum now has pneumonia and is in a deep 'morphine' assisted sleep, I think it will only be a matter of hours/days.
Love to you all and what you are going through too...so very sad xxx


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Holding your hand very tight

I was in your situation last week.
Those moments you have are so precious, but are so painful.

It's hard. So hard these last few days hours xxxxx


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Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
Same here chloe. Mum has during drive and very peaceful now. I hope it won't be long it wouldn't be fair after the suffering so long with dementia.

Holding your hand virtually to give you strength and me.
 

Gwendy1

Registered User
Feb 9, 2016
414
Glasgow
Such a sad time for you, Chloe. Also Emomam. Heartbreaking. I've been there with my mum. Sending love and strength. Xxx


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Red66

Registered User
Feb 29, 2016
363
Chloebo, Emomam, so sorry to hear of your current situation. It's so hard I know with losing my dad in August. Stay strong. Your Mums will know you are there xxx
 

Chloebo

Registered User
Feb 22, 2016
13
My beautiful mum passed away yesterday evening holding my hand. These last few days have been awful watching her slip away. I cannot believe she has gone and I don't know how I will get through this, she was my best friend and I will miss her every day xxx


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LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
Oh Chloe, what terribly sad news.

I hope you find support with your family and friends, and strength for the times ahead.

Thinking of you

Lyn T XX
 

Emomam

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
116
Yorkshire
So sorry chloe, we did the same and mum went yesterday too. Remember you gave your mum all the support she needed and all the love in the world. Like me you were probably able to tell her everything you wanted to say to her and most importantly, she felt safe, secure and lived right until the end. She was so lucky to have you as a daughter.
Take your time, find out who you are and grieve for your mum before moving on with your life.
I expect I will be ok for a few weeks until after the funeral and sorting out the estate and then I think it will hit me. But my friends are all expecting that.
I have seen a lot of friends going through the grieving process and I expect your emotions will change from inconsolable, angry, lethargic, irrational and a mash up of all sorts of emotions. Talking point can be your sounding board.
Your mum will be very proud of everything you've done for her.
I'll be thinking of you.
 

Chloebo

Registered User
Feb 22, 2016
13
Thank you all for your best wishes and thoughts. It's so hard, I can't believe my mum has gone and I won't get to hug her or do all the lovely things I used to do with her again. One day at a time I guess...

Love to you all with your journeys xx


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Emmy_83

Registered User
Mar 8, 2014
72
Yorkshire
Re:

Chloe I'm so sorry to read your news and know exactly how you feel after going though it with my dad.

It's awful to watch but take comfort that your mum would have known you were there all the way and you got to say your goodbyes and she knew she was very much loved.

Big hugs

Xx
 
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SadScot

Registered User
Jun 28, 2016
23
Devastated

Chloebo and Emomam I am so sorry for your loss. My dad also died yesterday in the very early hours of the morning and I feel utterly devastated. I can't believe it. I keep being told that I should be glad that he died very peacefully, surrounded by his family who all love him. But I am going to miss my dad so much and I am torturing myself about whether I could have done things differently to keep him alive for longer. We have had a very hard 9 months with him being in and out of different hospitals and a nursing home. He finally came to live with me 6 weeks ago (after a long struggle of trying to get a care package to allow me to be able to do that). His Alzheimer's progressed hugely over those 9 months. After his last hospital stay he was able to come and live with me on a palliative care package. I was so relieved and happy to finally be able to take care of him at home. But last week, after several weeks of eating very very slowly, he just no longer seemed able to sense food on his tongue and couldn't eat any longer. He just stopped eating and drinking and couldn't be roused to eat any more. It was an awful, awful, awful week. I made sure that physical causes like UTI etc were checked but nothing showed up. I kept trying to rouse him so that he would eat but he just wouldn't waken enough to allow him to eat or drink safely. Since he died I keep being filled with a dreadful panic about whether I could have done things differently over the past 9 months so that he would still be here. I know that I have fought his corner every step of the way when others had given up on him completely but I just feel so afraid that I have failed him. I love my dad so much and miss him terribly already. I'm so afraid of being completely engulfed by guilt and grief over the next few weeks and months....
 

Lorna44

Registered User
Jul 16, 2016
191
Surrey
SadScot I'm so sorry for your loss. This is such a horrible disease and it affects PWD so differently.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, dementia and Alzheimers did this to him, not you. You cared for him, fought for him, brought him home and he was surrounded by all who loved him. What more could anyone ask.....
Big hugs to you SadScot and hugs to all.
Lorna x
 

Chloebo

Registered User
Feb 22, 2016
13
Hi Sadscot, am so sorry to hear of your loss of your dad too...it's awful isn't it. I can't find relief although I believe my mum has and whilst I would love nothing more than to hug her again I wouldn't want to see her suffer. I know what you mean when you say you think you could have done more, I think this is natural...I feel this too, why did my mum refuse to eat and I keep thinking was it the meds that she had or the time in hospital, I keep questioning everything over the last few months but I think in my heart I know it's the cruel disease and you just have to keep telling yourself this. It sounds like you have done so much for your dad and loved him and cared for him so well, I hope in time you will be able to tell yourself you did enough and more than some people would do and in the end it's the cruel cruel disease that stopped him eating. So sad. I am still in shock from my mum passing even though I have spent every day with her watching her deteriorate, knowing where it was heading. I hope we all have the strength to get through it one day at a time. Big hug to you xxx

Thank you so much for all the other lovely comments too xxx


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