My dear Dad has moved to end of life care at his nursing home. It was bad enough not being able to see him every day when the lockdown started, but this is unbearable.
My sisters and I were called in last Thursday as he hadn’t eaten or drunk much at all for three days. The nursing home staff are usually amazing and of course are under huge pressure and operating in a frightening environment, so we have been careful to try to work with them.
The manager has said that we can visit again when Dad deteriorates further. We are so grateful we got to see him last week and appreciate this is more than some families get in the current situation.
My concern is that we are receiving inconsistent updates when we call. I was distraught when told we could not be with him and the Clinical Lead said we could call as much as we wanted to get updates on his condition.
As a family, we have been mindful not to call too often and today we suggested that they call us twice a day when convenient to them. The care manager agreed, and then didn’t call this afternoon as promised.
When my sister called tonight the nurse told her to ring back as she was too busy, then said we needed to wait until the morning. When we asked how Dad was , we were told he was still very poorly but had had lunch and fluids. When pushed, it was no lunch and 15 ml fluid all day. And even then not sure as didn’t have time to look at his records.
My sister rang back at 10pm as she requested and she said she is still too busy to talk, that we should wait until the morning. When we said how worried we are and just feel like we are sitting for a call to tell us our Dad has died, she flippantly said “I told you last Thursday that his obs were stable and he’s still here isn’t he?”
Considering that last Thursday the care manager and dr thought he had less than 24 hours to live, and he hasn’t eaten since, I dont think we are being unreasonable. We have processed and accepted the fact that we cannot be with him, we don’t want to put other residents at risk but is it too much to ask for a clear update on how he is?
We have been with our Dad every step of his journey over the years and it’s bad enough we can’t be with him, but to be so out of touch with how he is doing feels inhumane.
I wondered if anyone else is in this awful situation and how they are coping with it.
My sisters and I were called in last Thursday as he hadn’t eaten or drunk much at all for three days. The nursing home staff are usually amazing and of course are under huge pressure and operating in a frightening environment, so we have been careful to try to work with them.
The manager has said that we can visit again when Dad deteriorates further. We are so grateful we got to see him last week and appreciate this is more than some families get in the current situation.
My concern is that we are receiving inconsistent updates when we call. I was distraught when told we could not be with him and the Clinical Lead said we could call as much as we wanted to get updates on his condition.
As a family, we have been mindful not to call too often and today we suggested that they call us twice a day when convenient to them. The care manager agreed, and then didn’t call this afternoon as promised.
When my sister called tonight the nurse told her to ring back as she was too busy, then said we needed to wait until the morning. When we asked how Dad was , we were told he was still very poorly but had had lunch and fluids. When pushed, it was no lunch and 15 ml fluid all day. And even then not sure as didn’t have time to look at his records.
My sister rang back at 10pm as she requested and she said she is still too busy to talk, that we should wait until the morning. When we said how worried we are and just feel like we are sitting for a call to tell us our Dad has died, she flippantly said “I told you last Thursday that his obs were stable and he’s still here isn’t he?”
Considering that last Thursday the care manager and dr thought he had less than 24 hours to live, and he hasn’t eaten since, I dont think we are being unreasonable. We have processed and accepted the fact that we cannot be with him, we don’t want to put other residents at risk but is it too much to ask for a clear update on how he is?
We have been with our Dad every step of his journey over the years and it’s bad enough we can’t be with him, but to be so out of touch with how he is doing feels inhumane.
I wondered if anyone else is in this awful situation and how they are coping with it.
