encouragment to use the toilet.

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by ANDOVA, Jan 26, 2015.

  1. ANDOVA

    ANDOVA Registered User

    Jul 18, 2011
    10
    Cheshire
    Good day all.
    My wife of 39 years who has dementia has started to leave going to the toilet a little late.
    Sometimes it is to late and she has accidents?
    I do remind her and encourage her to go the toilet, but it does not always work and to be truthful the encouragement can feel more like nagging.
    What makes it more difficult even with the dementia my wife still knows all the buttons to press to make me feel guilty, even when I am innocent
    So if you have any suggestions on how I can motivate her to do as I ask, I would really appreciate the advice.
    Thanks for anything.
    Andova.
     
  2. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    My mum is at this stage with the toilet, always leaving it too late, so I now ask her every 2-3 hours to go spend a penny seems to work, but we still get the odd accident It is near impossible to get her to do as I ask with other things but bribery sometimes works especially chocolate.
     
  3. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,695
    Female
    London
    You will not win this fight. Best to make an appointment with the continence service, they can provide pads. This might be less embarrassing for her than getting caught short. My OH suffers from incontinence, and while he still takes himself to the toilet now and then, it is without rhyme or reason. I tell him often enough to go to the toilet but accidents still happen, especially towards the end of the day and during the night.
     
  4. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,650
    North West
    First I understand how difficult this can be when it first occurs. I think you are doing absolutely the right thing in trying to encourage her to 'give it a go'. Try to ignore the idea that you're nagging.

    Does she have to go upstairs to wee? If so, this could be a factor and it might be worth investing in a commode, porta potti or similar to make things as convenient as possible.

    I'm sure you know that this will almost certainly progress, at some time. to permanent incontinence but, when it does, that could make things easier in a way, provided that she is co-operative, because you know exactly what to expect and there are tried and tested ways of coping. In the meantime, I hope you are able to convince her that regular visits will be in her interest.

    Good luck!
     
  5. ANDOVA

    ANDOVA Registered User

    Jul 18, 2011
    10
    Cheshire
    Toilet use

    Thank you for the advice, I can understand that it is going to get progressively a bigger problem, How I could get my wife to wear incontinence pants is going to be interesting to say the least, the thought of trying scares me.
    In her mind there is not a problem as half an hour after the accident, there is no memory of it.
    Again thanks for the advice
    Take care.
    Andova.
     
  6. sleepless

    sleepless Registered User

    Feb 19, 2010
    3,232
    Female
    The Sweet North
    So sorry, Beate, but reading of these incontinence accidents then seeing your line 'Just keep swimming' made me smile!
     
  7. Kevinl

    Kevinl Registered User

    Aug 24, 2013
    4,760
    Salford
    I suggest we "get changed" when she wakes up and a few times during the day, I use the guise of her putting some clean knickers on (the toilet), it kind of triggers the reaction, if I can get her to sit on the loo for a bit with some clean pants in her hand.
    I went through the "too late" stage now I do it by the clock with a bit of looking for the signs (usually irritation, fidgeting, restlessness etc) then suggest a quick change of clothes and always before we go out. Means I have to wash a lot of clean knickers but better that than the alternative.
    K
     

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