Things are progressively getting worse for my mum, but she’s refusing all interventions. While a more supportive environment would be the ideal, with Covid we wouldn’t be able to see her and as a result this would have a detrimental effect on her. She has multi system failures so I don’t anticipate she has many years if months left. It is such a sad state of affairs what ever we choose. We have the Neighbourhood Team involved but they are still at the assessment stage so nothing put in place as yet. We thought that live in care would be a compromise although we are not that keen and like your MIL my mother would find it irritating to have someone watching over her 24/7.I looked into live in carers for my mother in law with the care agency she was using for short visits. She was self funding, but her pockets were simply not deep enough to sustain live in care on a long-term basis. The agency were charging over £1000 a week for 24 hour care. She went into a care home for £1300 per week, which was more economically viable, where there was a whole team looking after her. I'm sure others will be along soon with better advice, but it simply wouldn't have been suitable in our situation. My mother in law would simply not have tolerated the same person with her all the time
Very sensible replies already, but I’m going to add my experience too.
My late MIL lived alone but 5 minutes down the road from us and was slowly going down hill but refused any help apart from a friend of hers, who wasn’t in a much better state than MIL. To cut a long story short, MIL ended up in hospital early last year for three weeks and it was clear her mental and physical condition was deteriorating quicker than ever. The OT at the hospital approached us and said that she must receive full time care upon discharge, which we totally agreed with.
We believed a CH - even short term to see how she settled - was the way to go. Her home was totally unsuited to her living requirements, she was incontinent and needed to have a full body wash regularly and the flooring levels made movement totally unsafe. However, the hospital SW stepped in and said, because MIL had said she wanted to go home, her wishes must be respected. He was adamant she had full mental capacity, even though she couldn’t recall a conversation or process information to make an informed decision.
I think it was unethical because the SW’s first question was whether MIL was self funding? I regret to this day telling him she was as he took over and insisted she had care in her home. Within 6 weeks, just as we suspected, it went pear shaped. Her needs were far more than the care agency and carer could cope with. she kept the carer up all night, wouldn’t let her take her break and despite all the equipment, still kept falling and having accidents.. The cost was around £6500 PM.
Luckily, we found a far more realistic SW who saw that her quality of life was so poor and agreed that residential care was far more suitable. We believed MIL was also clinically depressed as all she did was sit on her living room in front of the TV crying and talking about dying. Once she was in the CH, her remaining year was so much better. She had company of her own age, regular activities and trips and her personal hygiene was so much better cared for. She became more interested in what was going on around her and the crying stopped.
The support on TP was amazing and kept me sane. We had so much flak from the SW and made to feel like we were exploiting MIL. He insinuated that we wanted her in a CH because it was the cheaper option! ironic really, because virtually all her saving went in CH fees eventually but we genuinely didn’t care about the money, we wanted her remaining time to be happy - and it was.
It seems to me that medical and social work professionals are all too keen on deciding that people have mental capacity. They may not have sufficient understanding of the law. It is important for relatives to stand up to them. If the person can't understand all the facts, remember them, weigh up the pros and cons, they don't have capacity for the decision. In the context of where to live they need to be able to understand the dangers of living at home. They may decide to take the risk, but they can only do so if they understand it. Ability to talk a good talk isn't a criterion in law!!Very sensible replies already, but I’m going to add my experience too.
My late MIL lived alone but 5 minutes down the road from us and was slowly going down hill but refused any help apart from a friend of hers, who wasn’t in a much better state than MIL. To cut a long story short, MIL ended up in hospital early last year for three weeks and it was clear her mental and physical condition was deteriorating quicker than ever. The OT at the hospital approached us and said that she must receive full time care upon discharge, which we totally agreed with.
We believed a CH - even short term to see how she settled - was the way to go. Her home was totally unsuited to her living requirements, she was incontinent and needed to have a full body wash regularly and the flooring levels made movement totally unsafe. However, the hospital SW stepped in and said, because MIL had said she wanted to go home, her wishes must be respected. He was adamant she had full mental capacity, even though she couldn’t recall a conversation or process information to make an informed decision.
I think it was unethical because the SW’s first question was whether MIL was self funding? I regret to this day telling him she was as he took over and insisted she had care in her home. Within 6 weeks, just as we suspected, it went pear shaped. Her needs were far more than the care agency and carer could cope with. she kept the carer up all night, wouldn’t let her take her break and despite all the equipment, still kept falling and having accidents.. The cost was around £6500 PM.
Luckily, we found a far more realistic SW who saw that her quality of life was so poor and agreed that residential care was far more suitable. We believed MIL was also clinically depressed as all she did was sit on her living room in front of the TV crying and talking about dying. Once she was in the CH, her remaining year was so much better. She had company of her own age, regular activities and trips and her personal hygiene was so much better cared for. She became more interested in what was going on around her and the crying stopped.
The support on TP was amazing and kept me sane. We had so much flak from the SW and made to feel like we were exploiting MIL. He insinuated that we wanted her in a CH because it was the cheaper option! ironic really, because virtually all her saving went in CH fees eventually but we genuinely didn’t care about the money, we wanted her remaining time to be happy - and it was.
Hello
Has anybody got experience of implementing and having 24hr home carers for their relative please?
HiHi @Bunty2410 , we are having very similar problems with my mother in law, and I feel like I'm watching a slow motion car crash as problems pile up but the family feel they have to respect their mother's wishes so no decisions are made that could possibly upset her,
I agree start looking at suitable places now, specially as you can't get there quickly if there is a crisis. This site Care Home UK is useful for helping you draw up a possible shortlist.
HiHi and best wishes, tough times.
My father has live in care and it is currently a good arrangement for his health and happiness. It is also reassuring for me, 110 miles away.
He's only had two different carers this year and both know him well and respond to his changing needs as Alzheimer's progresses.
The cost is the only major downside.
It seems to me that medical and social work professionals are all too keen on deciding that people have mental capacity. They may not have sufficient understanding of the law. It is important for relatives to stand up to them. If the person can't understand all the facts, remember them, weigh up the pros and cons, they don't have capacity for the decision. In the context of where to live they need to be able to understand the dangers of living at home. They may decide to take the risk, but they can only do so if they understand it. Ability to talk a good talk isn't a criterion in law!!
Hi and best wishes, tough times.
My father has live in care and it is currently a good arrangement for his health and happiness. It is also reassuring for me, 110 miles away.
He's only had two different carers this year and both know him well and respond to his changing needs as Alzheimer's progresses.
The cost is the only major downside.
We did a trial stay with us, totally rearranged the downstairs of the house and although our home isn’t small her walking frame proved problematic for her. Then she stopped talking, my husband looked in a continual state of shock at how she was and in the end because she said very little everyone else became the same. In the end she asked when she was going home, she stayed with us a week. It just didn’t work for either us or her.Hi there,
If the PWD needs 24/4 care, as my mum does, they need a team of people working in shifts 24/7 to cope. It would be cheaper for them to go into a care hone I think. My mum pays just over £1,000 a week For Her care home. Everyone in our family works full time, and non of us can afford to give up our job to provide the level of care that’s required to deliver safe care at home. You would be burnt out within months trying to cope, not to mention the mental anguish