EMI for early onset

[PetAng59]

Hi
My OH has mid to late Alzheimer's and has recently started to get physically aggressive to wards me to the point that he is hitting me and constantly being awkward when I'm trying to help him. I am very close to throwing the towel in but looking for an EMI care home that caters for early onset is proving to be difficult, they all seem to be for care of the elderly. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. We live in the Barnsley area

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @PetAng59 , please take care of yourself first. Have a charged mobile phone on you and if things get difficult got to a room with a lockable door and call the police if your husband gets violent. The police are used to dealing with such behaviour and can call out the mental health crisis team to help.
I don't know if this site will help you find suitable places Care Homes UK for your husband. I wouldn't worry too much about other residents being older, the important thing is to find somewhere that will cope with his behaviour.
I'm sure others that have been in a similar position will be along shortly with their input.

 

[update2020]

Hi
My OH has mid to late Alzheimer's and has recently started to get physically aggressive to wards me to the point that he is hitting me and constantly being awkward when I'm trying to help him. I am very close to throwing the towel in but looking for an EMI care home that caters for early onset is proving to be difficult, they all seem to be for care of the elderly. Any advise would be greatly appreciated. We live in the Barnsley area

Hi. I’m not so far from you. Had a similar husband - and I’ve just messaged you.

 

[Shedrech]

Hi @PetAng59
Please take care to walk away when your husband becomes aggressive ... you need to keep yourself safe ... do call for help if you are threatened

Let your GP and the Local Authority Adult Services know about the aggression (be brutally honest) and that you are close to 'carer breakdown' ... tell them that they have the 'duty of care' to ensure that his assessed care needs are satisfactorily met, and that you are no longer able to provide the level of support he now needs ... say he is a 'vulnerable adult' who is putting you 'at risk' due to his aggression, and if you are harmed he will be 'at risk' due to neglect as he cannot look after himself (this is no reflection on your care for him, simply a description of how things are)

 

[canary]

Hi @PetAng59

I agree absolutely with the advice above about keeping yourself safe and calling the police when he becomes violent.

I just thought Id mention that if the homes you are looking at are only catering for frail elderly, they are not proper EMI homes. A true EMI home will take people with dementia at all ages and can deal with challenging behaviour. There arnt many of them around, unfortunately. I would recommend the website for Care Homes UK.

 

[PetAng59]

Hi All
Thanks for your advice, so last Tuesday My lovely husband got really aggressive with me so I had to call the police. it's not his fault its this horrible disease. Its not like he knowingly tries to hurt me it

Hi. I’m not so far from you. Had a similar husband - and I’ve just messaged you.

's like he is frightened and is defending himself. However as a result I had him put into emergency respite, unfortunately it wasn't the right place for him and he wouldn't settle and neither could I to be honest so I brought him out after a few days when my daughter said that she would stay with me at night to make sure I was safe. He was so happy when he got home that he fist punched the air. However it lasted a few days again and the awkwardness and refusal to let the carer shower him started, one of the days he actually let me shower him later in the day when he had already refused to let the carer. But in the early hours of the morning he started getting agitated and violent and I had to call the police again. I am devastated to say that today I took him back into respite to a different care home. It felt worse because he had a good night last night and has been good all day. I have a good feeling about this one though, it seems much better than the last, fingers crossed he will settle here but it broke my heart to leave him there just the same. I can't begin to imagine my life without him here with me, pre Alzheimer's he was my best friend and my soul mate. I'm sure it would have been easier if he had just past away.

 

[PetAng59]

Hi. I’m not so far from you. Had a similar husband - and I’ve just messaged you.

Hi update 2020, where abouts are you? I'm in Wombwell.

 

[PetAng59]

So following on from my previous post, my husband is coming home next week when his respite period ends. I really didn't think he would be coming home again when he went in there. He really hates being there but staff tell me he is fine when I'm not there? I know some will think I'm crazy for bringing him home when he could get aggressive again but I have been observing the care staff and when he says no to personal cares they walk away and go back to him. I have recently had my whole house refurbished and have been paranoid about him peeing on the floor so was insisting he allow me to deal with his personal cares which started the aggression. I have to give this one more try for my husbands sake so I will be taking a leaf out of the care homes book, after all a new floor throughout is only about the cist of 2 or 3 weeks care fees.

 

[Izzy]

I do hope things go well for you both @PetAng59.

 

[Grannie G]

Wishing you success @PetAng59

I understand you feel you must try, just to make sure you will have no regrets. It`s good you have been able to learn from the carers in the home and if it works for them we can only hope it will work for you.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Can you speak to his GP? Some meds can reduce anxiety/aggression so that may be an avenue worth trying.

But as Sylvia says, please be prepared for the homecoming not to work. You mustn't put yourself in danger.