Early to Bed

[Brucie]

Hi Magic and Sheila,

thanks for your kind words. I can't speak for what anyone else might do, but for me there was never a moment's doubt what I wanted to do for her.

You are correct, Magic, the 'in sickness and in health' bit was not said lightly by either of us, neither was any of the other stuff in the ceremony. I didn't make those vows to a god, I made them to Jan. How could anyone leave her to get on with it?

Today Jan was less good. Very agitated, and I wrestled with her for an hour as I fed her lunch and she sat in her chair. Two days ago, sweetness, smiles and hugs. You take it as it comes, every day an adventure.

All the best.

P.S. it helps, by the way when those kind words are said!

 

[Norman]

Girls
I told my wife that
I loved her at the alter,I still do.
I too made the vows more to Peg than to anyone else,and I mean to keep them,deathand all that.
I have said before every day is different, some days I think I hate her but I don't really. I hate the AD.
Like Bruce says the good days make up for the bad.
Norman

 

[Sheila]

Dear Norm, you too are one of a few, it must be so hard to watch your partner become a stranger through no fault of your own. I really think it is wonderful what you do Norm, day in day out for your Peg. You must be so tired sometimes because us younger bods feel it caring for a parent so how must it be for you? Your love must be really strong to carry you through this awful illness without your losing sight of it. As I said before, I take my hat off to you all that do this, caring for a beloved partner must be the hardest thing of all. Love She. XX

 

[susie]

Norman
I can identify with what you say as many days I think who is this man I'm living with as he doesn't resemble the intelligent man I married but the gentle caring husband is still in there at times. As you say, sometimes I really think why am I still here and I don't want to do this caring lark ,but when we have a laugh as we attempt to play scrabble, it makes up for the bad days. The illness is the thing we hate and the trouble is, as a carer, you feel as though you're not supposed to say you think you hate your spouse.
Like a comfortable armchair, you don't want to change it even if it's sagging at the edges!
I hope I can still feel like you when David is further down the line.
Regards
Susie

 

[Chesca]

Dear Bruce and all you lovely folks

It brought a tear to read of the marriage vow 'in sickness and in health'. It was Dad's sentiment when the consultant was trying his best to make him see that the best treatment for Mum in the future was residential care. His vehement reply to the social workers and all the agencies was just that: I promised to love my wife in sickness and health................. All of them at some point dissolved into tears. Is it that in this horrible throw-away age many will never know such a level of love and commitment and it touches them to see such devotion?

Mum and Dad will celebrate their 59th wedding anniversary shortly and on their behalf he still holds tight on to that promise. Yes, she doesn't know but he knows that it is what she would like to happen and that is why he buys the flowers and gifts.

So Bruce, I'm sure she would like the flowers and chocolates as the girl she was and somewhere still is.

I found what you have said very moving and lovely.

Many many kind..............
Chesca

 

[Jude]

Dear All,

My parents 63rd Wedding Anniversary is on 8 November so we are planning a little party as well. Just a few close friends for coffee and sherry.

Jude