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Early closing curtains...

Pennie

Registered User
Jun 16, 2013
247
0
Somerset
Can anyone shed any light on why my mother wants the curtains closed in the sitting room (where she sits) so early on wonderful summer afternoons/early evening?

I managed to dissuade (?sp) her from getting me to close them at 5 o'clock this afternoon, but finally had to give in at 8pm when there was still plenty of evening light.:(

I am afraid that I ate my supper in the kitchen tonight, as I couldn't bare to be shut in by curtains on a lovely evening and my husband isn't back yet to support me in keeping them open.

Does anyone else suffer from this?
 

David975

Registered User
Jun 17, 2013
5
0
Hi Pennie,

My mum who's 86 suffers from mixed dementia & she does the same, she has a bay window & all the time has 2 of the 3 curtains closed then about 4 or 5 o'clock she closes 3rd curtain, she even likes the blind in the kitchen down - I've tried many things to change her habit but the only thing that works for me is to let her wear sunglasses then she lets me open curtains - I sometimes think she's really a vampire (Only joking) hope you find a way - best of luck.
Regards,
David
 

Dill

Registered User
Feb 26, 2011
355
0
England
Hi Pennie
My Dad would also do this in the early stages of Alz. In fact, the spare room that housed his filing cabinets was in permanent darkness because he thought 'people' could see in and steal his stuff. It was a bungalow.

However, he was VERY safety conscious all his life. Years before the dementia was noticed he would 'lock up' earlier and earlier in the evening, it drove my Mum mad because he would lock the 3 doors she needed to get through into the garden - she loved gardening and used to get cross with him.

It was a phase that passed though. Maybe if you put the lights on earlier would that make your Mum more unaware of approaching evening, or have the opposite effect?

Hope you find a solution.

Dill
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
my mum does this BUT i think they cant see well at dusk as she closes the curtains then jumps up and turns the lights on?

Also my mum has always always slept with one bedside light on. Now shes sleeping with all four lights on in her room at night??????????

Could it be thy cant see as aswell at dusk??????
 

Angel3

Registered User
Jul 25, 2013
11
0
Swansea, South Wales
Accusations of hitting

:confused:I care for my 94yr old disabled mum who also has Dementia. She has her good moments but lately they are mostly bad. Today when I saw her trying to put her long distance glasses on over her reading ones, I tried to take the one pair off, and was at the same time telling her that she cannot wear 2 pairs. She got quite aggressive toward me verbally and then screamed out "stop hitting me, stop hitting me". I was so upset and hurt by her reactions and verbal abuse that I just went into the other room and cried. The verbal abuse has been coming on and off for a while, but to accuse me of hitting her was really bad and a frightening thought of what is to come. I have been her sole carer for 3 yrs now and it is very hard to handle, has anyone experienced the same?
 
Last edited:

artyfarty

Registered User
Oct 30, 2009
267
0
London
I would pray for my mum to only close the curtains at 4 or 5 in the afternoon. She has all the curtains closed all over the house on a permanent basis. Living room, kitchen, bathroom - even the small window on the stairs. I hate it but she makes such a fuss though that I have to put up with it. The only place I can see the sky is in my bedroom.

She says that she can't see the tv in the living room with them open (she spends the majority of her time watching) but in the last year or so she has started on the other rooms as well. Last Sunday when it was 30* I came in to find her laying under a blanket with every window closed and all the curtains shut as normal. It was stifling.

I can't really explain why but I am guessing the outside world is now a scary place and shut away inside feels safe.

It's bloody awful to live with though.
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
Artyfarty

Is this your home or hers?? this is awful I live with my mum so pretty much have to put up with alot!:mad::mad:
 

artyfarty

Registered User
Oct 30, 2009
267
0
London
It's her place unfortunately so makes things difficult.

She's the most stubborn woman I've ever met - and that was pre-dementia - now I cannot suggest anything without being shot down in flames.

I've just picked her up from a friend who kindly took her to the theatre this evening. When she got in the car there was an overpowering smell of underarm odour. I asked if she had any deodorant and if she was using it but she said 'oh I can't be bothered with that'. When I pointed out she was pretty niffy she said she didn't care she couldn't smell it. Fab - I can but apparently I just have to put up with it. Wouldn't mind but the friend who took her out this evening has asked her to shower when she has turned up at her place before now and off she meekly goes to do as she's told. It's SO frustrating.

Sorry, went on a mini rant there - couldn't help myself. Apologies!
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
It's her place unfortunately so makes things difficult.

She's the most stubborn woman I've ever met - and that was pre-dementia - now I cannot suggest anything without being shot down in flames.

I've just picked her up from a friend who kindly took her to the theatre this evening. When she got in the car there was an overpowering smell of underarm odour. I asked if she had any deodorant and if she was using it but she said 'oh I can't be bothered with that'. When I pointed out she was pretty niffy she said she didn't care she couldn't smell it. Fab - I can but apparently I just have to put up with it. Wouldn't mind but the friend who took her out this evening has asked her to shower when she has turned up at her place before now and off she meekly goes to do as she's told. It's SO frustrating.

Sorry, went on a mini rant there - couldn't help myself. Apologies!

Ha! she sounds like my mum BUT you have it easy am sitting here with TV full blast even though there are subs AND she refuses to go and change her colostomy bag!!!! So BO i could handle.

I told her it wasnt very pleasant for me she said thats tough its my house oh hark shes heading to bed :):):):):) sad eh?? what a life?
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
:confused:I care for my 94yr old disabled mum who also has Dementia. She has her good moments but lately they are mostly bad. Today when I saw her trying to put her long distance glasses on over her reading ones, I tried to take the one pair off, and was at the same time telling her that she cannot wear 2 pairs. She got quite aggressive toward me verbally and then screamed out "stop hitting me, stop hitting me". I was so upset and hurt by her reactions and verbal abuse that I just went into the other room and cried. The verbal abuse has been coming on and off for a while, but to accuse me of hitting her was really bad and a frightening thought of what is to come. I have been her sole carer for 3 yrs now and it is very hard to handle, has anyone experienced the same?

Yes last week my mum tried to pull the phone out of my hands quite agressively and nearly broke it so I had to pull it back off her she went MAD now really mad her eyes BULGED then she locked me out of the room rang my sis in paris and told her that I PULLED THE PHONE OFF HER AND SHE WAS AFRAID OF ME????????

My sis (cow) rang my bro and he came up and stayed the night like a big bodyguard:mad:

You see my mum tells them im mad and aggressive and they believe her???????? waiting for diagnosis and to see my sis's face!!

BUT I was very scared and like you it started to dawn on me that she could actually hurt me.

I do everythin to keep things calm but then you cant be calm all the time and she flares up.

Its so awful shes turning into a monster and at times I hate her and am avoiding her which im sure shes noticed but I have to as I live with her and its survival mode!!:(:(
 

nerak

Account Closed
Jul 4, 2013
180
0
ireland
Oh Nerak, what a life indeed! Chin up.... Oh sod that, where's the gin?

I have a Litre bottle of Vodka in the fridge nicely chilled at all times with "dont even think about drinking this or I will have a breakdown"

funny my bro was over recently and he took off my label and put up his "had to have a sip sorry been here with mam 2 days and think ive had a breakdown":D:D

Oh if we didnt laugh wed probably die:)
 

shark2

Registered User
Aug 22, 2012
136
0
n ireland
My mum is like this about curtains and lights. She closes blinds and curtains because 'people can see in' . I have tried to reason with her but there's no point. Even during that lovely weather her house was dark and dull.. She is the same with lights. She does the dishes in the dark as well. I walk into the kitchen and put the light on and she turns it off because she doesn't want people to know she's there.
 

Angel3

Registered User
Jul 25, 2013
11
0
Swansea, South Wales
Sometimes it's hard to remember that this behaviour isn't the behaviour of your parent, IF and it's a big IF when you are guessing their diagnosis they have dementia you HAVE to realise it os the disease doing these things and not the person.

The verbal and physical aggression, the made up memories can all be part of it do unfortunately you have to go along with it. Snatching things from hands will only make the situation worse. Just leave them to get on with it, they don't mean it at all.

Those who have a diagnosis will understand this, those who don't, we'll a bit more compassion and thought for the person who may suffering is in order I'm afraid.

I did not 'snatch things from hands' as you put it, and as for 'a bit more compassion', well you obviously have not had dealings on a 24/7 basis for 3 years as I have. No one on this earth feels more sorry for my mum than I do, and no one loves her more than I, but safety for the patient is foremost in this case and as you obviously do not understand the situation, well I also feel sorry for you.
 

MReader

Registered User
Apr 30, 2011
191
0
essex
My husband also wants curtains and blinds closed - he says he enjoys doing it!!!

Is it a case of feeling secure & keeping the big wide scary world out?

My husband will also not have the windows open (even in this hot weather) as he is afraid that birds or people will get in - we live in a first floor apartment, so birds could fly in I suppose but people getting in is highly unlikely

Who knows what is going on in dementia sufferers minds :eek:
 

Pennie

Registered User
Jun 16, 2013
247
0
Somerset
Hi Pennie,

My mum who's 86 suffers from mixed dementia & she does the same, she has a bay window & all the time has 2 of the 3 curtains closed then about 4 or 5 o'clock she closes 3rd curtain, she even likes the blind in the kitchen down - I've tried many things to change her habit but the only thing that works for me is to let her wear sunglasses then she lets me open curtains - I sometimes think she's really a vampire (Only joking) hope you find a way - best of luck.
Regards,
David

Hi David,

My mum is also seated next to a big bay window, the house is full of them to take in the wonderful view (built to her plans only 7 years ago). The curtains go from ceiling to floor and cut the bay out when closed. I sometimes wonder, after trying to understand what she means, whether she thinks that the bay is "outside" and she wants to come "inside" by having the curtains closed :confused:
 

Pennie

Registered User
Jun 16, 2013
247
0
Somerset
Hi Pennie
My Dad would also do this in the early stages of Alz. In fact, the spare room that housed his filing cabinets was in permanent darkness because he thought 'people' could see in and steal his stuff. It was a bungalow.

However, he was VERY safety conscious all his life. Years before the dementia was noticed he would 'lock up' earlier and earlier in the evening, it drove my Mum mad because he would lock the 3 doors she needed to get through into the garden - she loved gardening and used to get cross with him.

It was a phase that passed though. Maybe if you put the lights on earlier would that make your Mum more unaware of approaching evening, or have the opposite effect?
Hope you find a solution.

Dill

Hi Dill,

Yep, this is mostly a bungalow (dormer type with two bedrooms and bathroom upstairs, built for my parents old age - sadly my father died before it was completed and no way could a carer live upstairs permanently, but that's another issue entirely).

Tried the lights on earlier and it does have the opposite effect as you suggest - night time really looming!

Oh well, just have to learn to live with it...
 

Pennie

Registered User
Jun 16, 2013
247
0
Somerset
my mum does this BUT i think they cant see well at dusk as she closes the curtains then jumps up and turns the lights on?

Also my mum has always always slept with one bedside light on. Now shes sleeping with all four lights on in her room at night??????????

Could it be thy cant see as aswell at dusk??????

Mum has been treated for wet macular degeneration and is virtually blind in one eye anyway, but I would have thought having more light would be helpful.:confused:
 

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