Good morning , its very early and I`ve been up for an hour already , couldnt sleep, just a bit wound up over my visit yesterday to see Mum . It wasnt as bad as I`d prepared for, she did know who I was straight away ! She did talk an awful lot of rubbish and seems to be convinced that all the staff are trying to poison her , steal from her and bully her . She also talked complete rubbish where her sentances didnt make any sense at all, just jumbled up words in no order . She isnt eating much at all and her low fluid intake is worrying the staff a lot . When I left to come home , she cried, oh Lord, she sobbed and I felt terrible leaving her but was told that she would soon forget that I had been as she could not remember that her husband had been to see her the day before but it upset me a lot . The one bright spot of the day was a chap of about 55 or so who came up to me and asked how I was and said Mum was doing really well , he fussed around and then said he was off to speak to the gardeners about tidying up outside and asked if I had found the toilets clean . As the staff do not wear uniforms, I took him to be a male nurse and the penny only dropped when I heard him being chastised by a real nurse for bothering other patients and to go back to his own area !! Mum isnt allowed to lay in bed all day , which is what she wants to do but instead, stimulation is encouraged and yes, she does seem to be thinking more about religion now , I took a very old book of children hymns/songs and we sat and sang some, well, I sang them and Mum did seem to react at times, they must have sparked something in her memory . However, several other residents looked up and smiled, one old chap started to sing along too , I felt a bit self conscious but it didnt matter if I sounded like a strangled cat ! The nurses asked what the book was, its a very old one from my Sunday School days , I had tucked it in my bag at the last minute . I left it with the nurses and as I left, they were scouting round for a member of staff who could read music !! Came home shattered , emmotionally wrung out but aiming at trying to visit once a week if possible .