Don't know what to do for the best?


Registered User
Jan 20, 2006
Northern Ireland
I have been caring for my mum who has vascular dementia for approx 2 years now. She is 79 years old. She is at the stage now where she won't sleep at night or eat very much. When she gets up she doesn't know what time it is, etc. She has started to wander to the front door and open it but not go out through it yet. She doesn't know who I am, but she still calls me by my name if that makes sense. When I come home from work she would ask me if I'm just home from school. I am wandering at what stage other people have decided when the time is right to put their relatives into a nursing home? I just don't know what to do. I know she would probably be better of in a home but I don't know if I am ready to let go of her yet. :confused:


Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
Hi Stef, you almost answer your question yourself, or at least thats how it was for me. Being ready to let them go into a home is a big step. I did what Nada suggests, I investigated the homes around, then put Mum's name down on the waiting list of a couple I liked best. That way I had back up if I got to a stage when I just couldn't cope any more. There is no measure for this, it depends on circumstances and how the illness affects your Mum. Some sufferers can be kept at home for longer than others because they maybe don't wander or fall. Others may be off out the door every five minutes, had that with my Mum and it gets very scary! Or there could be problems of safety from falls, stairs or fiddling in the kitchen with gas or something. All our situations are a bit different, but we do have the common bond of wanting the best for our loved ones whether that is in their or our homes or in a home for dementia sufferers. If we didn't care, we wouldn't need to post here because we would not be constantly striving to do the right thing for them. If your Mum isn't sleeping well and her eating is poor, you must be getting pretty worn out yourself right now too. I hope the information Nada has provided helps, keep on posting, let us know how things are, love She. XX