• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Don’t know who I am


New member
Oct 3, 2019
This is going to be a lengthy post but I need to be clear. My husband has mixed dementia and it has been a rapid progression. He was diagnosed in 2017 and is now at advanced stage. Our marriage (we’ve been together for 15 years) was never happy. He was extremely abusive with his filthy name calling and accusations and if we went out, he would show me up and humiliate me so eventually I refused to go anywhere with him. Any intimacy stopped years ago because it made me feel sick. I don’t love him, I don’t even like him.
Any way I decided to do the right thing and try to look after him. It hasn’t worked. The way he is puts himself and me at risk. I can no longer care for him. After months of being ignored and dismissed, he was sectioned on 7/2.
He seemed to settle in the unit well but unfortunately, he also has COPD and was admitted to hospital yesterday where he became seriously ill and the section was lifted - I was furious. Since then I can’t eat or sleep and I’ve been shaking all day. The hospital sister told me he would be able to go home. I said absolutely not and not to contact me again because I would not pick up nor would I speak to him - he’s doing really well with his breathing now. The point is he will be adamant that he wants to come home but when he is home he has a big problem with me. I don’t really think anyone here can help - I just feel so desperate. I cannot have him back.
I may try to get some rest so if anyone replies, I promise to answer tomorrow.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
You are not legally bound to care for your husband @Mattie99 especially if he is abusive.

However better his is while he is in hospital his COPD and his dementia are progressive.

You can refuse to care for him.